El Macho VS Fairy Godmother (Despicable Me VS Shrek) Blog

Holding Out For A Taco.

Dash Fish

AlfieMations

“Your reputation is what others think of you; your character is what you truly are.”

-Bohdi Sanders

El Macho, presumed dead criminal and owner of Salsa & Salsa.

The Fairy Godmother, Far Far Away’s putrid pixie potioneer.

Being confident in oneself is a tough thing to execute. It seems easy on paper, but looking within your heart and projecting how you feel outwardly is only something the bravest of individuals can do. Yet every once in a while, there exists a harmful type of person that rises to the top because they only seem confident. They trick others into believing the self they project is the self that’s actually there, and when even one soul falls out of line from their deceit, their throne of lies starts to crumble bit by bit.

Before We Begin...

These two only really have one major appearance in their two respective series, so we’ll be sticking to that and also video games connected to those films and scaling and whatnot. Also since these two lead a team of people under them, this will also be a bit of an army fight, with El Macho’s minions and Fairy Godmother’s workers. And that’s pretty much it. ¡Vamos!

Sources used:

G1 DB Fan Blogs - Gru VS Megamind

LandonBlogsALot - Shrek VS Conker

Death By Blog - Shrek VS Beast

DBE Blogs - Shrek VS Manny

Point 5 Prediction Blogs - Puss in Boots VS Mao Mao

u/agrizzlybear23 - El Macho Respect Thread

u/Outrageous-Farmer-42 - El Macho Respect Thread

u/Skulenta - Fairy Godmother Respect Thread

Background

El Macho

“Somebody’s going to die tonight.”

The very idea of a criminal in a heist can be boiled down to someone who ever has to stealth they’re way to something in order to safely secure they’re prized possessions, or by simply forcing their way through any force in their way, and let’s just say this absolutely jacked guy believes in that latter summary in spades, El Macho was a super villain from over 2 decades ago from current in universe time, though unlike most criminals who require the use of weapons to succeed in heisting, this guy is so unbelievably ripped he only had to use his bare hands, in beating the snot out of people! Unfortunately however… all great tales of a person who could be viewed as a force of nature, a beast, a macho man to be more exact, it comes to an abrupt end, as he decided to die in style by jumping off an airship while riding on a shark, while having several hundred pounds of dynamite stripped to his chest and landing in the mouth of an active volcano, resulting in an utterly big blast that had put a stop to our main villain…

Or was it?

Turns out the old El Macho was gone… but not exactly, he simply faked his death, instead deciding to keep his life of villainy a secret to the public by changing his attire from a buff, brutish, silent villain, to a fat, charismatic and talented dancing owner of a Salsa Restaurant as one of the many stores of a place known as Paradise Mall, known specifically as Salsa And Salsa, going by the name Eduardo Pérez he even adopted a pet chicken, and had a son. (who also may be adopted but we have no confirmation) 

However things started to take a change when El Macho started to take a notice of a very special serum experiment in by the AVL (Anti Villain League) known as PX-41, a transmutation serum that turns whatever it is injected into to turn into purple, feral monster like versions of themselves, El Macho decided to use this opportunity in secret to hold back his place in villainy, though to use this to its full effect he needed something… test subject, so he’d up deploying multiple plans to kidnap the special helpers of the person he’d soon come face to face with for the first time, Felonius Gru who upon getting a good look at Eduardo immediately started to ride suspicion in his bald head, before and after then he was shortly plucking away the Minion’s from the comfort of Gru’s home into his secret lair through uses such as plain kidnapping, some kind of strange tractor beam device, and even the pitch standard ice cream truck, with the help of Gru’s previously loyal scientist sidekick in law, Dr Nefario. All to be able to make a veritable army for himself by drugging all the Minions he had captured at the time with PX-41, turning into an army of small indestructible killing machines that eat pretty much anything in there path, it was until Gru confronted Eduardo after in secret trying to make it to his secret lair it’s when he finally shows his secret to Gru that he truly was the real El Macho and even tried to convince Gru to join him in the path of evil however, Gru had something, a thing that would never lead to a reality where he go back to his cruel hearted past, family his three daughters Margo, Edith and Agnes, were the things that motivated him to become a more passive and heroic person, along with working alongside his new partner form the AVL, Lucy Wilde, and it was after seeing what El Macho’s plan was seeing the horror of what happened to almost all of his previous close family members and assistants he’s had since his young days, he obviously declined and tried to leave in a rush, it wasn’t until Lucy who had previously left the country for a mission in Australia glided her way to Eduardo’s midnight party restaurant in hopes of reuniting with Gru, he, thanks to the help of his pet chicken Pollito, gets note that she’s a secret member of the AVL and then kidnaps her, Gru eventually becomes informed and quickly travels over to El Macho’s lair, however he already had an army of evil Minions ready to set out into the wild and it all seemed over even when just one of them managed to worm its way into Gru’s house to attack his precious gorls until someone came back to save the day, after having a quick change of heart, Dr Nefario was able to concoct an antidote that turns people who have PX-41 in them back to normal, and the best solution to use this to its best extent was to mix it in with the awful jelly that Gru and his Minions had tried to make earlier in the movie as ammo to shoot out of guns.

After Gru having pretended to be kidnapped, getting caught ,having to run away from man eating Minions, and getting cornered at the top of the tower to end up being saved by the PX-41 Curing jelly guns, with him taking business into his own hands, the Purple Minions were quickly being turned back to normal, until El Macho was the only one left, however he had one more plan, as he revealed that he’s attempting to recreate his whole attempt of faking his death with the rocket with a shark attached to it, but with a special guest, being Lucy, who was tied onto the rocket planning to be blasted off into a volcano, as Gru is of course desperate to save her, he is faced with one more obstacle, as El Macho in a sudden twist, drinks a tube of PX-41, turning into a giant, hulking, purple abomination who was easily capable of overpowering Gru, to the point where he had to use the newly obtained Lipstick Taser he got from Laser to incapacitate him for a while, which gave him a chance to save Lucy, they still had one big purple elephant in the room to deal with, though weakened, El Macho still had the instinct to fight, until he was ultimately defeated by the power of funny kid mov- oh wait, I mean the Fart Gun and was knocked out, and then sentenced to prison within the AVL not able to see his plan succeed as to his misfortune, Gru and Lucy end up surviving and escaping, a long while after that having the chance to bond for a while, got married, having felt that this threat being defeated in a way was a good way for them to get to work together the best in how they work together, to the save the world from all villains, wether they’d be small, but in El Macho’s case he was definitely a big threat.

Then Despicable Me 4 happened but it's better not to talk about that.

Fairy Godmother

“It's time you stop living in a fairy tale.”

Once upon a time in a kingdom Far Far Away, a lovely princess was born, but her parents saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they locked the princess away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing Dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison but none prevailed. She waited in the Dragons keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love’s first kiss, which was the only thing that could break the curse. One of these brave knights was the handsome Prince Charming who, after traveling through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveled for many days and nights, risking life and limbs, he finally arrived at the dragon’s keep. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower, enter the princess’s chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find that… She was already rescued by somebody else before he arrived. What a farce! Who could be responsible for this!? It must be that awful ogre who's been gallivanting around Far Far Away recently.

But before we get there, many many years before the events of the ogre we all know and love, the mother of the princess, Queen Lillian, fell in love with a frog named Harold. Lillian and Harold were both truly in love, but there’s no way they could ever show it, right? There’s such a large species gap between them, that the world would never accept them for their acts of true love. That is until they met a magically imbued woman named Dama Fortuna, better known as the Fairy Godmother. She was the only one who could turn Harold into a human so they could truly be together, and so she did. Many years later, they sought the help of the Fairy Godmother once more, about their daughter who was cursed by a witch to turn into an ogre every time night fell. The Fairy Godmother suggested that they lock their beloved daughter in the highest tower until her true love rescued her. That’s right, it was the Fairy Godmother who was to blame for this act of deceit, as the Prince Charming destined to “save” Fiona was her own son! But of course, we learn that Shrek was the true knight in shining armor Fiona really deserved. Years later Fairy Godmother found out about this, and decided to change fate.

As Fiona was crying in her bedroom, distraught at the fact that her parents won’t accept her and her new husband, Fairy Godmother appeared, surprised at Fiona’s self-awareness. She had accepted herself for being an ogre in being who she truly was. That’s not right! She reminded Fiona and Shrek that their happiness was only a teardrop away, and ran off. Fiona and Shrek, as well as her parents, kept fighting over and over again about this whole “ogre” thing being a problem, so Shrek succumbed to the pressure and sought out Fairy Godmother himself, and in return got a Happily Ever After potion, and the Fairy Godmother decided to work with what she had. The following day, after Shrek and Donkey have drunk the potion, they transform into a handsome human man and stallion respectively while Fiona turns into a human once again. Fairy Godmother and Charming set their plan in motion and go to the castle where Charming poses as a transformed Shrek, whilst the Fairy Godmother prevents the real Shrek from finding Fiona. In turn making him witness a fake romantic moment between Charming and Fiona, making Shrek believe that she’s fallen for Charming. Due to this fake belief, Shrek later became depressed and started drinking. Like, actually, he became an alcoholic for a second.

Meanwhile, between Charming and Fiona, things aren’t actually going that well. They truly both don’t like each other (even though Fiona thought he was Shrek). Fairy Godmother needed a final trump card, and decided to sing a little song… A song only known as Holding Out For A Hero, causing Charming and Fiona to dance with one another. The plan almost works until Donkey, Puss, and the real Shrek arrive, after being rescued by Shrek's fairytale friends so he could crash the Fairy Godmother's party. With a shocked reaction, Fiona finally realizes that Prince Charming wasn't Shrek at all. An end comes to the Fairy Godmother's manipulation with Prince Charming being Shrek, getting very mad as she quickly ordered Charming to kiss Fiona to break the ogre part of the curse. But after Charming kisses Fiona, she headbutts him, much to Fairy Godmother's shock, revealing Harold didn't give Fiona the potion after all. Charming manages to recover, then grabs his mother's wand and throws it back to her. Enraged, she shot one last final beam of magic at the ogre couple. But King Harold, the former frog prince she had changed all those years ago, jumped in front of it and took the hit for his daughter (and now son-in-law). The beam gets reflected by his chestplate, and the great Fairy Godmother was transformed into bubbles, ending her legacy of deceit.

Then Shrek the Third happened but it's better not to talk about that.

Experience and Skill

El Macho

20 years before the events of Despicable Me 2, El Macho was a very prominent criminal that hardly needed any help doing anything. Gru even claims that he used to have a reputation for doing heists and only using his bare hands. He was a threat to everyone around him and the criminal world as a whole, until he wasn’t. You know, the whole “faking his death” thing he did. Also according to Gru, nobody found his body after he fell into that volcano, which we know is faked, so hiding in plain sight for that long is a pretty impressive feat. While committing his plans for taking over the world, he almost went through with his plans but Gru ultimately foiled them. Regardless, El Macho still got very very close.

Fairy Godmother

Fairy Godmother’s age is never stated in any official media, but she’s clearly been manipulating people for a very long time. She was focused on making sure her son married Princess Fiona, indicating a long-term scheme involving Fiona's future, planning it years in advance. Also just generally being in a business where you literally make people fall in love (sometimes against their will!) it’s pretty much natural that you’d be really great at reading people.

Arsenal

El Macho

Giant Magnet Ship

El Macho used this ship to gather the PX-41 Serum, and is equipped with powerful electromagnets to gather nearly any material made of metal. It can also fly!

PX-41 Serum

This serum can be used to turn any living thing into a purple beast that increases their aggravation and strength to a whole nother level. They can either be injected into its victim, usually through the use of a machine or just straight up drunk.

Knives

Slice them, dice them! So many choices! El Macho is very proficient with his knife collection.

Ice Cream Truck

This unassuming ice cream truck… somehow… teleports the minions into a pocket reality where it’s just a beach. This potentially acts as a form of battlefield removal.

Beach Pocket Dimension

A small world where the minions are transported to when sucked up by the ice cream truck. While the minions seem small here, in some shots you can clearly see a sun in the corner, and it's even more prevalent in the Minion Rush stage. Speaking of Minion Rush, the stage is technically infinite in size, so this dimension is… infinite. Yeah. See Before the Verdict.

Various Explosives

From nukes to rockets, El Macho has a LOT of explosives to work with. He can fire them at his enemies with the push of a button and has several at his disposal to use whenever. This isn’t even mentioning the amount of explosives he used when he dove into that volcano with a shark. The point is, dude likes explosions. We shouldn't expect anything less from a villain.

Secret Salsa Recipe

So this is the reason his salsa is so good! No wonder he keeps it locked up.

Misc Equipment

• Mace

• Darts

• Machine Gun

• Flamethrower 

• Axes

• Police Car

• Chip and Guacamole Hat

  Fairy Godmother

Magic Wand

 It’s capable of summoning living things like men and dogs, creating living objects and making them dance to (horrible) amazing songs. It can also summon random objects and make her teleport herself and them somewhere. Plus, as a bonus, it acts as a microphone!

Just A Teardrop Away Card

Happiness is approaching, but if a tear you just shed drops onto this card it gives your a vision from Fairy Godmother which leads her to where she is… (kinda making it more of a hindrance if anything lmao)

Love Potion

After concocting a dastardly brew with a drop of desire, a pinch of passion, and just a hint of lust, the result forms a potion that when it’s drunken causes the person to fall in love with the first person they kiss.

Happily Ever After Potion

This specific potion swiped from Shrek and pals, upon being drunk causes the person to be given a more beautiful and attractive appearance. However, if they do not kiss the person they love the most before midnight they will permanently remain in this form. (Actually doesn’t sound too bad now that I think about it)

Giant Vat of Transmutation Liquid

Although, it doesn’t seem like she has control over what they turn into. This potion is so massive that when it’s tipped over it can easily turn entire factories worth of people into different animals, people or even objects.

Powers & Abilities

El Macho

Dancing

El Macho comes from a long line of salsa dancers, and naturally would inherit their abilities of respectfully hitting that shit.

Fairy Godmother

Flight

Pretty self explanatory lol.

Life Manipulation

With a wave of her wand, she can make just about any object come to life under her command.

Summoning

She can summon pretty much anything she likes with her wand. From gold coins, to an entire group of knights.

Telekinesis

Pretty standard magical user stuff. Never shown to any huge extent. Though she can move objects through the air with this.

Transmutation

Can manipulate peoples’ biological makeup to whatever she pleases. Even animals! 

Teleportation

…Aaand poof! She’s gone!

Forcefield Creation

This forcefield nullifies physical attacks from enemies, and she can only apply it to herself and it only lasts temporarily. Note: while it’s relatively short in this GIF, this forcefield stays on for longer near the end of the game, granted it’s still not permanent.

Lightning Manipulation

She can summon red lightning from the sky! That’s relatively easy to avoid because of those targets that come before it.

Singing

She’s genuinely SUCH a good singer, and is kind of the only character in the Shrek universe good at it. Seriously though, go listen to Holding Out For a Hero.

Resistances

El Macho

• Venom / poison. He once downed an entire shot of alcohol… while eating the glass… and enhanced it with a snake’s venom.

Fairy Godmother

• BFR. She can just teleport herself out of wherever she gets sent.

Support

El Macho

PX-41 Minions

These are El Macho’s minions, originally Gru’s, but turned into ruthless killing machines. They retain all powers of a minion, but are much stronger in general. We see a normal rabbit empowered by the PX-41 serum gain enough strength to kill regular men, so just imagine what a creature as durable as a minion can do when enhanced by this.

Pollito

El Macho’s very own pet chicken.

He may look like an ordinary chicken, but don’t judge a book by its cover, he is pretty much the head unit of security in El Macho’s restaurant able to damage Gru, and he’s also incredibly sneaky being able to steal Lucy’s AVL ID without her noticing, and he seems very willing the assist El Macho in his plans given that he intentionally set off the rocket that would send Gru and Lucy into the same Volcano where El Macho faked his death.

Just know when you see that squint in his eyes, you’re clucked.

Fairy Godmother

Factory Workers

From the Munchkins to just general receptionists, Fairy Godmother summons these guys and arms them with potions, being very willing to fight. Sadly, they don’t even have dental.

Prince Charming

Fairy Godmother’s own son, who tried to save Fiona initially but ended up being wolf’d. He has a great sense of endurance, being able to travel through nearly any weather condition, and is always armed with a sword at his hilt. Unlike his mother, though, he’s not the brightest bulb in the shed.

Forms

El Macho

PX-41 Form

When Macho was on his last legs, he drank the PX-41 serum for himself and became a giant hulking beast, increasing his strength tenfold. Capable of holding metal towers above his head with ease, he was eventually defeated in this form by the Lipstick Taser.

Fairy Godmother

None.

Feats

El Macho

Overall

• Became a well-known criminal around the world

• Successfully tricked the entire world he had died

• Stole hundreds of minions away from Gru without him noticing

• Almost got away with his plans of world domination

Strength

• Picks up and throws a man

• Punted one of his minions easily

• Headbutted a truck, crumpling it, and then lifted it up

• Overpowered a regular minion

• With the PX-41 Serum, picked up a giant metal tower

• Support:

• El Macho claims his minions can eat cities

• Pollito can overpower Gru

Durability

• Hit by a car and was fine after

• Survived an explosion in a volcano without enhancements (322.02 Tons - 8.32 Kilotons of TNT, Multi-City Block - Town Level) (Debatable, See Before the Verdict)

• Support:

• A PX-41 minion could eat a small nuclear bomb with no repercussions (10 Tons - 1 Kiloton of TNT, Large Building+ - Small Town Level)

Speed

• Can keep a respectable distance just behind minions running away from him

• Reacts to the Freeze Ray laser before it hits him (0.432c, Relativistic)

• Support:

• PX-41 minions can catch up to Gru and his minions

• Pollito can dodge attacks from Lucy

• Pollito steals Lucy’s ID without her noticing

Fairy Godmother

Overall

• Created a potion emporium well-known around Far Far Away

• Tricked the royal family into locking Fiona away

• Tricked Shrek and Fiona into becoming human (for a short while)

• Almost got away with her plans of royal usurping

Strength

• Flung one of the little pigs into a castle window

• Her magic blasts are strong enough to harm Shrek and his friends

• Support:

• Charming easily takes out two costumed men on accident

Durability

• Survived the initial hit of her transmutation magic reflected back at her

• Can take hits from her normal magic blasts reflected from her, as well as from Shrek throwing fruit at her

• Support:

• Charming can withstand blistering cold and scorching desert

Speed

• Her carriage moves extremely quickly

• Slightly outsped Shrek while flying

• Fires beams of light from her magic orbs that she reacts to (0.092c - Sub-Relativistic+)

Scaling

El Macho

The Minions

Given that El Macho has harmed minions that could see him coming, and has kicked around PX-41 minions of his own, it’s natural he should scale to them (also, he literally has Minions as part of his support).

• Minions travel from Australia to India in a matter of seconds (0.011c, Sub-Relativistic)

• One moved in tandem with a rainbow beam (1.114c, FTL)

• Screamed so loud they shook a whole neighbourhood (503.6 Tons - 2.81 Kilotons of TNT, Multi-City Block - Small Town Level)

• Survived Bratt’s city-wide bubble gum exploding (14.3 Kilotons of TNT, Town Level)

• Survived an explosion that leveled an entire underground lab (16.976 Megatons of TNT, City Level)

• Survived a flaming grill explosion from Gru’s ship that split the moon in half (4.72 Ronnatons of TNT, Large Planet Level) (Debatable, See Before The Verdict)

• Scott can shake the planet by… farting (889 Yottatons - 8,788 Quettatons, Large Planet - Large Star Level) (Debatable, See Before The Verdict)

Gru

Since El Macho has tussled with Gru and Lucy in the movie, and even his pet chicken can harm Gru, Eduardo should pretty easily scale to him and his family.

• Dodged around multiple missiles (Mach 9.57, Hypersonic)

• Can pilot his ship while it was moving fast enough to exit earth's atmosphere (Mach 1846, Massively Hypersonic+)

• Quickly maneuvered his spaceship out of the way of the expanding moon (Mach 297.82, Massively Hypersonic)

• Moves in tandem with a flash (0.899c - 1.29c, Relativistic+ - FTL)

• Knocked out a shark with a single punch

• Survived multiple missiles exploding on him (which are implied to be nuclear) (40 Tons - 4 Kilotons of TNT, City Block - Small Town Level)

The Gru Family

• Lucy:

• Can kick down a locked door on her own

• Takes out multiple guards with brute force

• Agnes:

• Screams loud enough to explode the top of a building (3.09 Tons of TNT, Large Building Level)

• Screams loud enough to shatter stone and shake a house (1.06 Ronnatons of TNT, Large Planet Level) (WHAT???) (Debatable, See Before the Verdict)

AVL Captives

While he hasn’t interacted with most of them on screen, they’ve also harmed Gru and there’s no reason El Macho shouldn’t scale to them.

• Vector:

• Survives getting pulled by Gru’s rocket (3.83 Kilotons of TNT, Small Town Level)

• Survives the moon expanding (115.42 Kilotons of TNT, Large Town Level)

• Flew around the moon and reacted to incoming objects (Mach 8287.8, Massively Hypersonic+)

• Shook a crater on the moon with a pickaxe (478 Tons of TNT, Multi-City Block Level)

• Escaped the moon, surviving his own rocket propulsion (50.7 Kilotons of TNT, Town Level)

• Scarlet Overkill:

• Survived being thrown through multiple buildings (5.6 Tons of TNT, Large Building Level)

• After being hit by giant Kevin, took a missile to the face (117 Kilotons of TNT, Large Town Level)

• Balthazar Bratt:

• Dodges multiple attacks from Gru

• His mech can melt through solid concrete

• Dodges electricity / laser beams (Mach 0.5 - 0.31c, Subsonic - Relativistic)

• Survives getting sprayed by Gru’s water pistol (Outerversal)

• The Vicious Six:

• Belle Bottom crushed a van

• Stronghold hit a minion multiple yards, breaking a brick wall

• Svengeance took a dropkick from several meters in the air straight to the face

• Jean Clawed got hit right in the nards

• Maxime Le Mal:

• Smashed through crystallized goo

• Cuts through metal like paper

• Survived falling off a construction site

• Survives pastrami melted by the Mega Minion laser (64.6 Megatons of TNT, City Level) (Debatable, See Before the Verdict)

Fairy Godmother

Shrek

Fairy Godmother never physically throws hands with Shrek and his pals, even in the games they only throw/reflect things at her, so it can be assumed she at least downscales for the strength and durability feats. (See Before the Verdict)

• Survived his balls getting hit

• Shrugs off Fiona hitting him with a tree

• Busts a large hole in a ship by throwing a bottle (1602239.76 Joules, Wall Level)

• Toppled Merlin’s entire tower upon his defeat (608.4 Tons of TNT, Multi-City Block Level+)

• Threw Donkey into space (3.2 Megatons of TNT, City Level and 0.04c, Sub-Relativistic)

Puss in Boots

• Tanks Toutatis’s guitar waves

• Survived a beanstalk knocking him into the sky (7.9 - 56.6 Megatons, City Level)

• Dodged a close blast from Maldonna (0.059 - 0.53c, Massively Hypersonic+ - Relativistic+)

• Reacted to the Blood Wolf's beam which previously shot to the moon. (80% - 1.83c, Relativistic+ - FTL)

• Read a book so fast it caught ablaze (0.304c, Relativistic)

• Flies across the universe to enter a new story (43.5 Million - 9.2 Quadrillion c, MFTL+) (Debatable, See Before the Verdict)

Shrek’s Other Allies

• Fiona:

• Tossed a mermaid like it’s nothing

• Can react while the world seems frozen to her (Mach 1.4, Supersonic)

• Donkey:

• Can harm Shrek with his kicks

• Survives being thrown into space and getting back down with the power of Sierra Mist™ (3.2 Megatons of TNT, City Level and 0.04c, Sub-Relativistic)

• Dragon:

• Flies to Far Far Away very quickly (Mach 99.5 - Mach 199, Massively Hypersonic)

• Destroyed a bridge with a swipe (0.2 Tons of TNT, Small Building Level+)

• Blew a large hole in a mountain (161.9 Tons - 19.4 Kilotons of TNT, Multi-City Block - Town Level)

• Artephius (he’s technically Puss’s ally but still):

• Can summon freezing storms to plunge Earth into an ice age (7.3 Gigatons of TNT, Island Level)

• Tracked the Lorenzo Lapis Lazula beam with his eye (Mach 1805 - 0.93c, Massively Hypersonic+ - Relativistic+)

Villains

• Farquaad:

• Could survive being eaten by Dragon for a short while

• His guards could react to Fiona in slow motion (Mach 9.96, Hypersonic)

• Death:

• Outsped Puss, knocking his sword out of his paw

• Broke large crystals with ease (1195.9 Megajoules, Building Level)

• Jack Horner:

• Could tank hits from the Three Bears

• Swung Excalibur while it was still attached to a boulder (2534.8 kg, Class 5 Lifting Strength)

• Rumpelstiltskin:

• Survived his entire timeline being torn apart (Universal) (Debatable, See Before the Verdict)

Weaknesses

El Macho

El Macho, despite all his macho-ness, heavily relies on his support and brute force for almost everything. He’s not even in his prime anymore, which is where his greatest feats of experience and intelligence come from. When backed into a corner with his support gone, his only option was to use the serum to boost his overall strength. It was only then where he was outsmarted and promptly put down for good.

Fairy Godmother

The Fairy Godmother, as smart as she is, is very prone to fits of rage and lashing out when things don’t go her way. She has a perfect idealized world in her head that she needs to lay out before she does anything super major, especially in a fight. These fits of irrationality can also impact her magic also, as while in a safe environment she usually has control of what she can transform, but when under pressure these magic skills seem to fluctuate. 

Before the Verdict

The Beach Realm

So this is a very weird part of El Macho’s arsenal. The fact that he can vacuum up minions like it’s nothing and send them to a pocket dimension of Nefario’s own making is a pretty bold claim, so let’s analyze it a bit.

How do they get there?

The ice cream truck just sort of sucks up a lot of minions, seemingly more than the truck itself can fit, so maybe there’s some sort of hammerspace going on here? But we never see this, and the minions all clearly wind up here very abruptly, being unconscious and whatnot, so teleportation or some other form of transport is much more likely. Coming from Dr. Nefario, a man who invented such unbelievable things like anti-gravity serum and freeze rays, teleportation / wormhole technology shouldn’t be that far off.

How do we know it’s a reality of its own?

Given the fact that there is a sun here, as well as seashells and starfish, and even palm trees with fruit, it implies that there’s genuine life here beyond the transported minions, even if it’s just begun developing. Granted we never see this world in its infancy, but we see that the water goes beyond the horizon, meaning that there’s much more to this world to begin with. Even if the rest of the dimension is just water, there’s still much beyond the horizon. The sun could be a bit hard to call an actual star, but the fact that there’s trees here means that the sun can actually cultivate these plants, or I guess you could argue it’s just a VERY bright light or something, but given there’s evidence for other life here it’s likely a genuine star.

In conclusion, yes. This is an actual pocket universe that El Macho can send people to.

Did El Macho survive his “death”?

El Macho’s death is a complicated thing to talk about. He faked his own death and that was calculated to be around town levels of durability on high-ends. On one hand, we see him literally fall into the volcano and explode, but on the other hand, he’s still alive. So it can be hard to deduce if he even scales to his own death (can’t believe I even just wrote that) since he’s still alive! It’s never elaborated on how El Macho faked his own death, if there was maybe an escape route planned at the bottom of the volcano? Or something else entirely? Well, think about it. El Macho at the time was a guy defined by his tenacity and crazy toughness. So wouldn’t it make sense that he would dive shark-first into a volcano with dynamite strapped to his chest, and walk out unscathed? I mean part of his defeat from Gru and his family was from something that essentially bypasses durability. So overall, I’d argue yes, he did survive his “death.” But LOL it doesn’t even matter anyway because he can scale to large town level feats either way. That’s pretty much more evidence for him surviving his own death, tbh.

Planet Level Despicable Me Feats

Planet Buster Agnes

So, a bit of a running joke in this blog series is the “this fucking guy” outlier of a verse, and it’s absolutely Agnes. According to this calculation, Agnes can get to large planet-destroying decibel levels of strength. Due to Agnes being a little kid, El Macho would obviously upscale this. But there are some issues. For one, it converts decibels into watts just kinda out of nowhere, but you can’t really do that directly since decibels are a measure of sound intensity (or watts per square meter specifically.) Watts represent absolute power, while decibels represent a ratio of power, often with a reference point like 1 milliwatt or 1 watt specifically. To convert watts to decibels, you need to define a reference power level, which this calc doesn’t really do. On top of that, it uses an outdated paper from 2007, making this a very rough calc if anything at all. Overall this is a very funny feat, and mentally broke me for multiple minutes thinking it was real, but it doesn’t hold up that well.

Scott the Minion’s Farts

According to this calculation, Scott the minion, by farting, can shake all of space itself. Scott is described as a minion that has a very bad habit of powerfully farting. Jesus, Scott, that is just disgusting. Although he’d probably get along with Shrek and Fiona. Anyways, is this calc reliable? Well, yes and no. In the video itself, whenever the screen shakes if you look closely you can see the paper actually shaking too. You could argue that the effect of the screen shake is just that… a shake… but really beyond that there’s nothing technically wrong with the math. Really it’s just based on how you want to interpret it, and it’s more so that this is just a very big outlier that isn’t consistently supported by other things. Except for the BARBEQUE FEAT.

Minion BBQ Explosion

According to this calculation, in an ad for Hawaiian Rolls of all things, a minion trying to cook accidentally breaks the moon in half. Quite literally, what was he cooking? Because literally every single minion in frame afterwards is unharmed by this. The calculation listed before comes out to large planet levels of durability, which would be consistent with the previously mentioned Scott the minion fart- I mean feat. So, while it sounds crazy, the minions are very much able to survive a planet-destroying attack and remain relatively unphased. So, typically it all comes down to how you wanna scale them. After all, this is from an advertisement and doesn’t have to be considered canon. Regardless, it’s a genuine feat that can be used (sort of) semi-consistently.

Does El Macho scale to the Mega Minion laser?

An iconic part of Despicable Me 4 (at least for powerscalers) is when a couple of the minions are all transformed into knock-off Fantastic Four variants, and the minion with the laser eye quite literally shoots through the center of the Earth to Antarctica in a few seconds. Later on in the film the villain tanks this laser, so naturally Macho would scale. But hold on, let’s look at that feat of durability real quick… Yeah Maxime just gets pastrami cheese melted on him by the laser. There’s no reason to assume that Maxime took the full impact of the laser here, since it would just be the overall heat of it, which is likely cooling off the moment it hits him, so it would be nowhere near the actual power of the laser itself. The only time we see someone actually tank the laser head-on is when another Mega Minion (the brick one) stops the laser from firing. Since this minion was also experimented on to get superpowers, he’s most likely built to stop this kind of laser, and El Macho wouldn’t scale to it.

Can Minions die?

So, the creator of Despicable Me said this on Twitter once. It’s extremely vague as to what this means, like, does it mean the minions can never die from physical harm? Can they never die from old age? Are they beyond the concept of death itself as inhuman beings? Well, it’s probably the second one since the minions have been around since the dinosaurs, and have existed throughout all of human history. Regardless, this is only one creator statement that’s in a now-deleted Tweet. But the bottom line is, minions are pretty hard to kill, having some weird kind of biological immortality, but don’t have Deadpool-esque regeneration or something.

Does Fairy Godmother scale to Shrek physically?

Simply put, not directly. Fairy Godmother never fights with Shrek physically, even in the games she just gets stuff thrown back at her and is fine afterwards, but given that Shrek usually lobs objects pretty casually and the fact that this is the only instance we can even consider her at a similar physicality to Shrek and friends, she would downscale everything they do. However, the same can’t be said for speed. Fairy Godmother is surprisingly light on her (wings?) and has slightly outsped Shrek and his friends before, even maneuvering between them quickly when losing her wand. This implies she can be put at similar or even slightly higher speeds to Shrek & co., but not in terms with them physically. This makes sense, since she’s an overweight old lady and likely wouldn’t be that strong herself. However… her troops act in direct combat with Shrek in the games. So they would scale to Shrek and others, not the Godmother herself though.

MFTL+ Puss?

For this feat, in Puss’s Netflix show he gets teleported into a magical storybook and has to escape. In one scene he magically gains the narrator’s powers and flies across space in seconds. The numbers of this calculation are crazy fast, and are nowhere compatible with the rest of the Shrek verse’s other consistent speed feats. Beyond that, Puss only does this once he gains the narrator’s powers, and that was temporary. It can be argued that Puss only gains these extreme speeds with the powers of the allpowerful omniscient narrator, which makes sense. They’re extremely beyond superhuman that it’s just unbelievable he always has these speeds on hand. So, no MFTL+ Puss.

Universal Rumplestiltskin?

In Shrek Forever After, it’s clearly stated that Rumplestiltskin’s deal caused a whole new timeline / universe to be born, and at the end of the film Shrek cancels out the whole deal which makes the timeline disappear as a whole. However, the universe is being torn apart with Rumple standing right in the middle of it.

However, Rumple never actually physically survives this destruction. He gets the same treatment like everyone else and is just transported back to the original timeline that he came from. The screenplays of the film even state “Everything around Rumple was tearing apart,” everything AROUND Rumple. Not Rumple himself. Sure he was scared but, if everything around you just started to tear into tiny little bits and pieces and you had no way to understand it, wouldn’t you be scared also? No universal Rumple.

Verdict

Before we begin this verdict, this’ll be different to the individual verdicts we’ve done thus far in Blogs of the Apocalypse. This time supporters for both of the characters will explain the reasons they think either character will win.

Team El Macho

Stats

Starting with Attack Potency this one is relatively clear cut on paper… and that’s because it is relatively speaking, seeing as El Macho is shown to be a character with a lot more physical prowess in combat compared to Fairy Godmother who mostly focuses on her own magic to attack rather than just actually throwing hands if you want to go into their armies though the only person on FGM’s side who can actually combat physically is Prince Charming. If you want actual numbers though, At a low end, feats in power and durability of characters likely weaker than El Macho like Vector can survive the moon growing in size to become normal while dragging back up into space worth over 100 Kilotons of TNT, which is consistent as well for the fact that Both Scarlett Overkill, Herb, and Giant Kevin were able to survive a massive missile explosion from Scarlett giant explosion rocket also garnering over 100 Kilotons worth of TNT, but as for a reasonable high end, the best feat El Macho should scale to is the one where two Minions survive a massive explosion that destroys an entire underground lab, getting to results of about 16 Megatons of TNT. Meanwhile while Shrek stats do get higher then Despicable Me’s generally at least on a consistency level, it’s questionable of Fairy Godmother would scale to those feats just due to the type of character she is, the best we can say is that she’s capable of surviving her own magic blasts at least temporarily, though we don’t have enough to garner how strong they are just from the difference in their power or had capabilities.

But if you wanna be generous, you could potentially make the argument that since she can survive Shrek throwing stuff at her that potentially she could at least downscale from the one feat from the commercial taken from the scene in the events that movie takes place, where Shrek throws Donkey into space, which was calculated to be about 3 Megatons, that is kind of a generous high ball given what we’ve seen her do physically in her media but even if we do use it, El Macho would still be at least 5 Times more stronger then her durability via scaling to the Minions surviving that lab explosion worth at least 16 Megatons. While she can activate force fields that could potentially mitigate that stat gap at least for a bit it doesn’t last forever and when it’s gone she’d be more vulnerable.

Couple that with the fact that El Macho’s PX-41 form buffs his strength significantly and El Macho should definitely be stronger.

When it comes to speed this one gets a little more interesting, both of these series have a lot of high end interpretations that seem to match along well with each other even without scaling.

Starting with El Macho on his own, he should be able to scale to Gru, who has feats of dogging missiles getting nearly Mach 10, piloting his rocket outside the atmosphere getting to speeds just under Mach 300, and even has a feat of moving in tandem with a light flashing across a dance hall which can get to just over the Speed of Light, roughly 1.29 C.

Continue with this to get more spread out ends all around, some highlights for feats for El Macho would be himself reacting to the Freeze Ray laser, which if you say shoots an actual laser gets around 40% C, The Minions were able to walk from Australia to India in mere moments, which gets to around 1% C, and Vector has a feat from the Mooned short of being able to react while flying half way around the Moon which gets to over Mach 8000.

So all around anywhere from Massively Hypersonic to FTL is a pretty solid bar for Despicable Me speed which should scale to El Macho since he can easily keep up with the Minions himself in Minion Rush.

As for Fairy Godmother’s speeds it’s definitely a lot more reasonable for her to scale to the Shrek casts levels of speed given that she can easily fly circles around most of them. Feats like this include stuff like Fiona capable of moving while everyone around he seems frozen in comparison, getting just over Mach 1, ironically enough Lord Farquaad also scales above his own minions who were able to view Fiona in slow motion, getting just under Mach 10, another flying creature, Dragon, in the same movie could fly to Far Far Away in a fairly quick amount of time, getting anywhere from nearly Mach 100 - 200, the speed at which Shrek throws Donkey into space can reach speed of about 4% C.

However the best scaling for speed comes from everyone’s favourite Puss In Boots… Puss, who has a lot of the best feats likely given his small and nimble agility, he read a book so fast it caught a blaze getting roughly around 30% C, dodged a blast of light from Maldonna getting anywhere from 5 - 53% C, and best of all reacted to a beam from the Blood Wolf that had previously travelled to the moon in seconds, getting anywhere from 0.8 - 1.83 C.

So if we compare most of their feats, they generally get varying degrees of comparable speed depending on ends, but at their best if you wanted to compare both feats, Fairy Godmother would be about 1.4 times faster, which while technically an advantage isn’t even a 2 times difference, meaning speed is relatively even which will be important for later.

But either way I think what we’ve gathered so far it’s safe to say El Macho takes the advantage in stats overall.

Arsenal and Abilities

Now this one goes hand in hand really.

With equipment, most of Fairy Godmother’s notable equipment isn’t really too useful in this fight like most of the potions really only work depending on specific situations that are extremely unlikely to happen in the fight, the only potential useful additional piece of equipment she’d have going into this fight is the giant vat of transmutation liquid which could potentially turn a lot of people on the battlefield into different animals or object… including her own, meaning it’s not really super useful in this case.

Meanwhile a lot of El Macho’s arsenal is much more suited for actually destruction, like just casually carrying knives on him, he has multiple explosions, including nukes, he has an ice cream truck which might not seem useful at first, but by appearing as unassuming it can suck anyone inside of it, potentially just battlefield removing them into that little beach pocket dimension.

But probably most useful thing El Macho has in his arsenal is the PX-41 Serum, which if it’s injected into any living being they turn in a feral purple monster version of themselves that El Macho seems to have under his control it can be transferred to a person if they just taken into their body wether it’s just drinking it, or having it injected into their body, which can be done by hand or by a machine, that’s also part of that little beach pocket dimension, meaning that any troop of Fairy Godmothers that get trapped in the ice cream truck are on the chopping block to getting turned into a part of El Macho’s army. Plus, if the magic wand gets stuck inside the pocket dimension, that removes all of Fairy Godmother’s abilities. So she would be vulnerable to attacks.

All around El Macho Arsenal and Weapons are pretty much superior to what Fairy Godmother had in basically every way, even bringing in stuff like the potions or Prince Charming’s sword.

It’s where we get to abilities where things change, even with El Macho’s peak dancing skills lol.

Fairy Godmother has actual magic and as such has much more magical abilities, even without that she can fly relatively freely which is a huge advantage especially since El Macho doesn’t exactly have the best abilities at a range.

But with them she can do stuff like teleport, lift objects telekinetically, summon people which she can use to expand her army, create forcefields that seem to make her immune to physical attacks, summon down lightning, grant sentience to animate objects which depending on your interpretation could potentially be used to turn most of El Macho’s equipment against him, which we’ll get more into later, but of course her most notable spell, is the ability to transmute people into other different things, she can turn people into different animals, you can also potentially argue she can turn people into inanimate objects given that her transmutation liquid turned 2 people into small wooden clocks, though she is never seen doing it herself though we will get into this more later as well.

Either way it’s pretty obvious that the variety of her magic plus her all around bigger number compared to El Macho’s lack of abilities means Fairy Godmother takes Abilities.

If we want to compare the two abilities though as for what is more useful all around… there is an important detail worth mentioning, that being that all of Fairy Godmother's spells are tied to her wand, meaning if it gets separated from her she can’t use magic anymore. Though in this case it may prove different for anyone to get their hands on it because again, she can fly. We can get into how their transmutation abilities compare in another section but all around, the fact that Fairy Godmother can just straight up turn most of El Macho’s equipment sentient, making them onto her side is a massive deal although… personally speaking I wouldn’t argue she could turn everything El Macho has onto her side, since the main thing she’s been shown giving sentience are medieval furniture that are about the size of people, and I feel like it’s a little dubious to say she could just turn something as big as El Macho’s ice cream truck or even his giant magnet ship sentient since she’s never been shown making anything that big sentient.

So while I think stuff like that could be safe from her magic all around being able to turn most weapons El Macho has sentient, makes me believe that Fairy Godmother’s versatility counters El Macho’s relatively speaking, but the fact that El Macho has other things in his arsenal that’s a lot more shaky to argue Fairy Godmother can grant sentience, some of which could be a game ended depending on how it’s played, so I think Arsenal and Abilities should be a tie.

Skill and Experience

These two shouldn’t be much of a surprise, El Macho not only knows how to fight physically, but his experience is generally more useful to a fight like this, as he’s been performing heists with his bare hands for at least 20 years.

El Macho should be more Skilled and Experienced.

Although to give Fairy Godmother her credit, she is likely smarter, while El Macho is very smart being able to trick pretty much the entire world into thinking he’s dead, hiding his identity in the process. Fairy Godmother generally had more showing of manipulating and outsmarting people, being part of her main plan in the movie to get Fiona and Prince Charming to marry each other, it may not come into play too much in the battle especially when she will constantly be stormed by the PX-41 infected soldiers, but Fairy Godmother is still smarter than El Macho.

Support

Support on both sides it’s similarly contrasting in the fact that they have both an army of henchmen at their side and only one other loyal companion by their side, so let’s break down which ones are better overall.

Starting with El Macho his main troops going into this battle are the PX-41 Minions, which prove as an extremely useful general troops for two reasons, one they are pretty much physically indestructible the most kinds of physical damage including axe swings, being crushed by police cars, burned by flamethrowers and even having nuclear bombs explode inside of them, and two the fact that their are enhanced by the PX-41 Serum gives them a massive strength boost over regular Minions, they are able to eat pretty much anything, and El Macho pretty much has hundreds, maybe even thousands of them, most of which he doesn’t even bring into battle at once, as he has enormous spherical cages meant to contain a huge amount out them per cage, but aside from that it’s pretty clear that they are insanely useful for their just general physical stats and sheer numbers. Lastly is Pollito who may just seem like an unassuming chicken at first, but under the right circumstances can be one of the most deadly combatants in this battle, not only is he surprisingly powerful being able to peck and damage Gru, but his main major advantage is his sheer unassuming yet sneaky presence, since Pollito seems to be willing to help with El Macho’s plans, he is surprisingly intelligent as when he was able to steal the AVL ID off of Lucy Wilde, a top secret competent agent who was pretty much trained for what seemed like almost all her life in combat, stealth and of course agency, he can also carry out El Macho’s plans when he in some ways is out of the equation, like when he was the one who triggered the rocket that would send Gru and Lucy towards a volcano when El Macho was unconscious.

Why is this important? Well while this might be tackling into hypothetical scenarios, considering the feat mentioned above if given the opportunity, I could absolutely see him just swiping Godmother’s wand when she isn’t looking for like 3 seconds, which I don’t think I need to explain why that would be so crippling for her, it may be a little shaky to unironically argue that, especially when Godmother can just fly and also teleport, though if she gets caught off guard, which I personally think could happen given I don’t really see the vibes that she’d just be floating so far above the army to not come into conflict at any point which would be the perfect opportunity for a predicament like that to take place, but all around it’s still a very useful ally for El Macho.

For Fairy Godmother, the main troops she can have going into the initial battle are the workers from the potion factory who while a pretty big part of Fairy Godmother’s Godmothers arsenal, are unfortunately kinda fodder, at least compared to the Purple Minions being able to only do as much as throwing potions that do a mild amount of damage which wouldn’t really be phasing them physically. Though it is worth noting that Fairy Godmother can also use her magic to summon other allies to fight for her, like a group of knights, who are definitely impressive but unfortunately, I don’t imagine will really do much against the evil facing them, since they’re of course vague scaling wise and Purple Minions are capable of eating metal which would likely extend to their armour and swords, she can also grant sentience to inanimate objects to serve her as well, though one problem most of what she’s turned sentient is medieval furniture which is mostly just made out of wood, and as such nothing that even one Purple Minion couldn’t just chow down on. Though it is still important how while her army might be a lot smaller in number initially she could theoretically continuously spawn in multiple troops occasionally. Her most trusty ally however is definitely her son Prince Charming, he’s definitely a boasterous and courageous guy, though he’s also not the sharpest tool in the shed (lol) usually just following his mothers command rather than coming up with plans on his own, though he is definitely still very skilled with a sword though he doesn’t really have too much else to use, even if you wanna say that him being able to combat physically with Shrek would mean that he scales to the best feats overall which I personally doubt, I think it also should be taken into account that even disregarding stats, PX-41 Minions are shown as almost virtually indestructible including to sharp and or piercing weapons, like axes and machine guns, so I don’t think it’d be as simple as saying even if you wanna argue Prince Charming is stronger than an average Purple Minion that he can just slice one clean in half with one slice and that it’d be much more hard to actually hurt them never mind kill them, and like I mentioned earlier there’s nothing really stopping a Purple Minion from just eating Charming’s sword assuming he tries to fend them off with it. In fact, because of El Macho’s ice cream truck that can trap and seal a vast majority of Fairy Godmothers troops in the pocket dimension, he would be able to give them PX-41 which will effectively make them in El Macho’s side while also making them stronger.

All around because of both the sheer initial number, and just the overpowering sensation of El Macho’s army, plus with one extra trump card, it’s safe to say he has the superior army no matter what you say.

Win Conditions

Ok… Here's the big climax, essentially who’s Wincons are more useful, and who would be able to land it more effectively in more scenarios then not, and this was quite a rollercoaster to decide lol.

While obviously El Macho being stronger physically means he could likely overpower Fairy Godmother to death if he got his hands on her, the fact that she can make a forcefield around her to eat up any damage, and also just the fact she can keep a safe distance by flying or teleport makes that a generally unlikely scenario in the grand scheme of things, though on the flipside, Fairy Godmother doesn’t really have a proper wincon outside of transmuting El Macho into something else, as being turned into a weaker state like a rat or something would be both very dangerous and would a factor to consider of that just being the end of a fight, but El Macho is far from outmatched in the hax regards, as his usage of PX-41 means that if anyone on the field got that into their system, including Fairy Godmother, it’d transmute them into a purple, feral monster version of themselves that’d be on El Macho’s side realistically, in that case it definitely seems a lot more reasonable for that to be a better wincon on paper since this would actually force Fairy Godmother to fight on her enemy’s side and would pretty much be a guaranteed win, though it’s not as easy as you think, considering the difference is a matter of range, El Macho giving PX-41 to someone requires them to be in touching range which as you can imagine is kinda difficult to do on someone who can fly, teleport, and create force fields, so you think that because of this Fairy Godmother’s transmutation would be better… technically yes though against the type of opponent, it wouldn’t be that likely to actually hit, considering her transmutation magic generally shows the properties of lighting and electricity it’s likely to assume it moves at that speed, since it’s very contradictory to say that spell moves at lightspeed just because it reflects off surfaces like metal since it moves in a sporadic and frantic motion instead of a perfectly straight line, as well as the fact the beam launches Fairy Godmother back showing it has a degree of force means it can’t reasonably move at lightspeed ranges, which is kind of a problem considering that El Macho can fairly casually scale to characters who can move at FTL speeds, heck even if you don’t want to but the FTL Despicable Me ends and stick to the Mach 8000 estimate for Vector flying around the moon that still be at least 80 times faster then her transmutation magic, meaning that he’d have virtually no issue dodging it even from close to point blank range.

So both of their transmutation methods can be easily maneuvered around by each other in some way or another… so we’d really have to answer the question on who would be more likely to eventually land their winning blows more, because it either comes down El Macho just pulls a Sans and keeps on dodging or Fairy Godmother just evades and blocks everything El Macho throws at her… but it probably won’t be so easy for normal people to keep up that bargain for too long…

This is where we talk about stamina, now while both of them seem relatively out of shape, El Macho is not only shown capable of lifting tricks without a sweat and pulling off very agile movements while dancing, but unfortunately for Fairy Godmother, she is very old obviously and her diet from what we know mostly consists of Junk and generally sweet or fried foods, so on their own if it were down to that and the fact her forcefield can’t last forever as well as the fact she technically hasn’t been shown actually using her transmutation spell while her forcefield up makes me thing her stalling tactic wouldn’t be super useful against El Macho when most of what she can throw with it up won’t do much to affect him meaning El Macho by himself has more of a chance to win the war of attrition.

But that’s not even the worst of it, the main thing that would be a detriment in this fight for Fairy Godmother is how we see them both fight, in that when El Macho had the Purple Minions by his side he was mostly there sitting in the back letting his Purple Minions go to town in Gru, meanwhile while we have seen Fairy Godmother let her troops battle for her while she just waits in the background there’s not really a specific reason why she would just go to target El Macho straight out the gate considering how overwhelming and distracting the Purple Minions would be especially given it would actually make more sense that she would want to turn things that at generally pretty ugly looking into more innocent things, which while it would likely thin the number of them down would still likely distract her and cost her energy, especially if a group of Purple Minions start to surround her eating away at her forcefield since even damage will likely cause it to vanish, meanwhile El Macho would be more willing to sit in the back not wasting as much energy outside of just dodging Godmother’s spells and if she loses energy she will eventually stop flying and fall to the ground which would give Eduardo opportunities to either inject PX-41 into her or the Purple Minions to just maul her to death. This could especially be bad because if she targets a Purple Minion with her transmutation magic, since their big goggles are made of both glass and metal if she shoots it at one wrongly there’s the chance the spell could bounce off it and hit her, of course that said Minion would be transmuted as well but it wouldn’t the that big of a price to pay.

Now outside of that there are other important factors worth mentioning, the biggest being that there’s the possibility that Fairy Godmother could end up losing her wand and she wouldn’t be able to use her magic unless she got it back, since the movie very clearly shows a vulnerability of showing that multiple people who can’t even fly are able to separate her from her wand and Ben slightly, since she obviously can’t fly forever and I doubt it’d just be a major strategy to just fly far out of any enemies reach realise especially since they’d be out of range to hit with her magic in the possibility that she gets close enough to the ground to come into contact with the Purple Minions, she could get stormed very and easily given likely circumstances could probably have her wand get eaten by one of them, which while maybe a bit unlikely assuming she just stays away can be contradicted by what I said earlier, the second reason would be Pollito, since unlike the Purple Minions he is both really stealthy when it comes to stealing stuff off people when they don’t notice and also activate traps that can be detrimental to others hypothetical or not if this was actually a crossover battle I could totally see something like that somehow playing out, though probably to most effective way for her to potentially lose the wand would be through it being sucked into the pocket dimension, when you consider the fact that Fairy Godmother loves sweet and junk foods there’s a chance she could fall for the Ice Cream Truck trap and attempt to get sucked inside there, while she is probably too fat to fit inside of there which as weird as it sounds I kind of agree, there’s nothing to really say her wand wouldn’t be vulnerable to that since it’s light and can be knocked out of her hand fairly easily and if it gets sucked in there, she wouldn’t really be able to get it back this is also something that seems hypothetically but when you think about it truly it actually makes sense for her character wise, as this would have the chance to work alongside also trapping a bunch of her support in the beach pocket dimension.

Though if we actually wanna talk about Hypotheticals… there is one thing I want to address, that being that theoretically if either leader gets transmuted by the other, you can make arguments that either party would have to potentially turn their leader back to normal, though both methods would have to do with Fairy Godmother’s wand since we know her wand can turn someone back to their normal state, it’d be a matter of who can get it on their hands on the wand first in either scenario, Pollito, or Prince Charming plus maybe a couple of Godmothers henchmen. In the first scenario it’s mostly worth pointing out that El Macho technically wouldn’t be dead when he is transmuted as even people who were turned into an inanimate object by her transmutation liquid could still move or at least have a slight semblance of sentience and again there’s not much to assume that anyone would really Pollito as this secret big threat especially with Fairy Godmother’s slight companionship with pigeons or at least her workers turned into pigeons, and given Pollito is both able to fight Gru and was able to steal the Anti Villain League ID off Lucy while she was distracted which I imagine Fairy Godmother would be if she was just basking in the glory of defeating El Macho, the opportunity would be at its finest for Pollito to swipe the wand and turn him back to normal, given that certain members of Godmothers team like Prince Charming have also shown to not be too smart it likely wouldn’t be a thing of suspicion in their part either.

In the second scenario, if Fairy Godmother was turned into a PX-41 version of herself she’d be converted to El Macho’s side and would fight against her own troops, even her own son, and with all of that being said I think it would be much less likely that any certain member could just grab her wand and fire the spell back at her to turn her back to normal, when you have factors such as the Purple Minions swarming everyone, Pollito, El Macho AND Fairy Godmother aggressively attacking them, it’d be nearly impossible for any certain member to manage to pick up the wand and get to spell off at her and ultimately if the wand gets destroyed or trapped away then there’s basically no chance whatsoever.

All around these factors aren’t really too important since there just a hypothetical unless you wanna say it’d be likely for the fight to either go in one of these two ways but all around with all of this factors in place I think it is simply more likely, more reliable and aside from that just more reasonable for El Macho’s Wincons to ultimately put an end to this fairy tale.

Overall, while it may seem like the Fairy Godmother had El Macho read and had a wing in the competition, El Macho just had the right sauce to step in and have the capabilities to prove too much-o for the fair-ly senile Godmother. I have never sal-such an extravagant tango, not one I could’ve ever i-magicked. The Winner is Edurado Perez, better known as El Macho.   

Team Fairy Godmother

Stats

Starting with the most direct category, there’s a couple things to discuss. El Macho is a character who is really nothing without his strength, considering his name exudes masculine pride and power in the first place, and Fairy Godmother doesn’t fight much at all. She’s mostly on the sidelines directing her troops and such, but numbers are still important to look at. 

First, strength / AP & durability. For Macho, on the low to mid ends for scaling he’s around Multi-City Block to Small Town levels of power, with that other part coming from minions screaming to shake an entire neighborhood. On the extreme high ends he could possibly even scale to a Planet level Scott, but like we discussed before that scaling is pretty dubious and you can buy it if you want to. Disregarding that, pretty consistent stuff all around. Godmother’s low ends range from Multi-City Block to City level, with the City level feat coming from Shrek throwing Donkey into space. The highest end Fairy Godmother can scale to is another fellow magic sorcerer, Artephius, who summoned a storm that plunged Earth into an ice age for a short time, worth 7.3 Gigatons of TNT, or Island level. So it would seem that Fairy Godmother technically has the more consistently higher scaling on her side, disregarding very high end stuff. While El Macho is a much more consistent fighter, Godmother just never shows that level of attack potency on her end, so it’s pretty clear that El Macho takes strength. However, with the high-end of Godmother’s strength and durability, she scales to the Donkey-throwing Shrek feat. Given that Fairy Godmother’s only notable feats of durability are tanking things thrown at her directly by Shrek, she could very easily scale to this feat of Shrek throwing something (that something being Donkey). Combined with the fact that Godmother has a forcefield that negates physical damage (essentially enhancing her durability) she can consistently take durability while El Macho is a much stronger and more competent fighter in general.

El Macho takes strength while Fairy Godmother takes durability.

Next, speed. El Macho’s low to mid ends of speed are pretty consistent. There’s notable Hypersonic feats to scale from Gru, who can dodge missiles like it’s nothing, and pilot his ship out of Earth’s atmosphere rather quickly. His high ends have various Relativistic and FTL scaling, with Gru again moving in tandem with a flash of light (1.29c), and a minion doing the same with a rainbow beam of light (1.114c). Other characters including Macho himself have reacted to lasers, coming out to mostly Relativistic speeds. Macho pretty easily caps at Hypersonic to casual FTL speeds. For Godmother, her low ends are from Dragon flying back to Far Far Away, and Puss reacting to the Blood Wolf beam. Both come out to Massively Hypersonic speeds, but Godmother can scale higher. The high end for the Blood Wolf calc gets to 1.83c, or FTL speeds. Although that is just reaction speeds. Comparing this speed to the highest thing Macho can scale to, being Gru moving with a light, there’s about a 0.54c difference between the two of them speed-wise, the Godmother scaling higher overall. While Macho would have a faster travel speed and could likely react to Fairy Godmother’s magic, Godmother’s gonna be flying above the crowd most of the fight with Macho having no way to outspeed Godmother most ways, and the mathematical difference is so small that it hardly matters. So do we put this as a tie? Well, looking at tertiary factors of agility and mobility to determine speed, Macho’s just kind of an athletic criminal. Comparing him to someone who can teleport and fly to close the gaps in between speed, Fairy Godmother is gonna be outspeeding him more often than not, even if those moments are minimal.

Fairy Godmother takes speed.

While El Macho is much stronger, he’s less durable and has less chances to outspeed the Fairy Godmother. It’s actively pretty close, but Fairy Godmother takes stats overall.

Arsenal and Abilities

These two are known for their wacky weapons and powers respectively, so while it can become relatively obvious who takes these categories, this becomes less “arsenal and abilities” more than it does “arsenal vs abilities.” So let’s analyze how these two categories would interact. Macho has a giant magnet ship, a BFR-ing ice cream truck, a lot of explosives, and a TON of weapons including knives and axes and the sort. Also we can’t forget the PX-41 serum itself. Fairy Godmother with her wand can create life on a whim, make inanimate objects come alive to do her bidding, summon lightning from the sky, create a forcefield, and of course transmute others into whatever she wants. Macho mostly has the direct combat edge here, and a lot of them are made out of metal. What does his equipment being made from metal have anything to do with the debate? Well, we know Godmother’s transmutation magic specifically can be reflected by metal. This means that given Macho’s reaction speeds, he could likely reflect the transmutation beam to avoid it. The minions can likely react to the beam too, and given that she never uses transmutation magic with her forcefield up, she’d have to put herself in a vulnerable position to use this magic. However, the beam, despite being reflected by metal, still affected King Harold and turned him back into a frog. Given its electric properties, it can be assumed anything the beam electrocutes it can end up transmutating. So even if the beam gets reflected by, say, one of Macho’s knives, it would still affect whoever’s holding it. So these two points can essentially counter each other. El Macho’s most confusing piece of technology is the ice cream truck that can send anyone to the beach pocket universe. While Fairy Godmother herself is likely too fat to fit in the ice cream vacuum (and could likely even teleport out of it), her support (if small enough) could be sucked up and brought into the dimension, and could be turned into PX-41 variants to work for El Macho. However this isn’t stopping Fairy Godmother from just… summoning more support that’s larger and incapable of being teleported away. The wand matches or outright surpasses a lot of machos tech and options. So, most of Macho’s gadgets would be countered by her magic powers, but at the end of the day those magic powers all come from one source. The wand. Fairy Godmother is occasionally prone to losing her wand, and given the overwhelming support of the PX-41 minions, losing the wand is very much something that can happen in this fight. However, depending on how much support Godmother would have on the field at the time of losing the wand, and of course Charming himself, it’s likely she could get it back rather easily. This isn’t even mentioning the giant transmutation vat which could turn everyone on the ground into something else, however that would likely affect Godmother’s support as well so… that’s neither here nor there. Godmother could also just add life to all of Macho’s arsenal, making her an army, and making Macho arsenal-less.

El Macho has a couple tricks up his sleeve with a much more combat-focused arsenal, but Fairy Godmother outclasses El Macho’s equipment in most ways with little chances of losing her wand for good.

Skill and Experience

This one’s a bit trickier to pin down, as we know rather little about these two beyond the films they appear in, so let’s track down what we know to begin with. El Macho is a world-renowned criminal and is well-known at least amongst other felons (and felony-based organizations) in the world. He committed heists with only his bare hands, and was even ready to command an entire army of stolen purple minions to take over the world! Fairy Godmother in comparison managed to build an entire potion emporium around Far Far Away, on the basis of lies and preying on others’ emotions. Both pretty impressive, but in a fight El Macho is going to be a LOT more skilled. Like it really wouldn’t even be close in terms of this category, but regardless Fairy Godmother is still a bit smarter.

Fairy Godmother shows better feats of social intelligence, but overall El Macho takes skill and experience.

Support

Now we’ve come down to their armies. El Macho’s minions are indestructible monsters with a ruthless amount of battle prowess. From being able to eat literal nuclear bombs without any harm to potentially tanking planet-destroying blasts with little to no repercussion. These guys are relentless, and they’re ultimately very hard to put down for good. Fairy Godmother’s army on the other hand is a lot less nuanced. They kind of just fight with Shrek and his friends, can be summoned at will by Fairy Godmother, and that’s all. In terms of strength and survivability, El Macho takes this category clearly, though we’ve got more to talk about regarding this section. Fairy Godmother can always spawn more support to help her, and multiple at once, too! Her summoning isn’t limited to just a few things, and there’s no reason to assume she can’t summon things beyond her workers, knights, and puppies. Why would there be a limit, anyways? What I’m saying here is Fairy Godmother could potentially summon her own purple minions to combat El Macho’s, even if it couldn’t be enough to match the potential hundreds or thousands of minions El Macho has to throw at Fairy Godmother, it’s still something worth considering. And Godmother never really needs to know how something works to summon it, as that’s never really stated, and would be silly to assume that she’d (for example) know how the bodily functions of an actual alive puppy works. Another thing is the PX-41 minions’ durability. How would the Fairy Godmother be able to kill them even if she has a way to fight fire with fire? Well, transmutation is specifically something minions have been vulnerable to. Like, multiple times. And Fairy Godmother specializes in that kind of magic. Given that Fairy Godmother has a giant pot of transmutation at her disposal (that she possibly could summon another one of!) the minion army El Macho amassed would slowly start to dwindle as time goes on. Sure, it would affect Fairy Godmother’s army, too, but her summoning doesn’t have a limit. Besides, her life manipulation could just create more troops from Macho’s own arsenal and even anything around her. (COUGH COUGH THE GIANT MAGNET SHIP AND THE ICE CREAM TRUCK) Lastly, their individual members of their armies, Pollito and Charming in specific, deserve to be talked about on their own. Pollito is a very smart chicken, able to steal things from trained agents without them even noticing! Charming on the other hand never shows prowess like that, and is kind of just a guy with a sword. Hell, Pollito even overpowers Gru somehow! And he’s a goddamn chicken! Look, I love you Charming, but genuinely a regular ass chicken is more useful than you. But those are the relatively weakest parts of their troops, and Fairy Godmother still succeeds here in a war of attrition.

El Macho has a much greater and more potent army, but only at first. Over time that advantage would become null to Fairy Godmother’s summoning and transmutation magic. Fairy Godmother takes support.

Win Conditions

And finally, the win con category. How can either of them reliably win this fight in the first place? For Macho, most of his win cons are pretty obvious. First is just straight up overpowering Fairy Godmother once he fucking gets her, and while she may be more durable than him that doesn’t mean she can’t physically die by him at all. Also Fairy Godmother is absolutely vulnerable without her magic, and El Macho would take note of this in the fight and try to take the wand away. Pollito has shown to be very adept at stealing things from others, so if Fairy Godmother is potentially distracted by something Pollito would be smart enough to take the wand away from Godmother. Of course with Macho’s overwhelming army of minions this win con could be the most important thing, and overall El Macho heavily relies on his support to gain the upper hand. Fairy Godmother’s win cons are also pretty straightforward. The big main one is to just transmute El Macho himself, or turn the ice cream truck against him and keep him there, and with the crazy versatility of her wand that’s absolutely possible to pull off. While Godmother can tank hits just fine, this battle won’t be won by her winning a physical draw with Macho. It’s the physicality vs hax battle, and between each of them, Fairy Godmother would likely have the chance to pull it off before El Macho. Reasons as to why she would pull it off are discussed in the stats category, where Fairy Godmother pretty easily takes speed. Sealing her is an option for Macho and so is hitting her with the serum. However FGM being faster means she's more likely to get her transmutation off first. Given the fact that El Macho’s ways of killing her would be all mostly physical, and she could shield everything thrown at her with the forcefield, and even teleport behind Macho (which would be something he’s never had to deal with before) Fairy Godmother would have the better ways to kill Macho, even if it took a second. With closer physical stats, he has a superior fighting force and arguably more win conditions over all. However he's fighting someone with a pretty clear cut stat advantage over him, one that means he can't outright win in pure stats and he's not fast enough to exploit his or ignore her win cons.

While El Macho can definitely kill the Fairy Godmother, she just has easier ways to pull off her finishing blow. Fairy Godmother takes win conditions.

As El Macho’s despicable plots Gru, Fairy Godmother’s use of her wand-erful magic spelled disaster for the former criminal. Taco ‘bout brutal. The winner is the Fairy Godmother.

Conclusion

El Macho

“Men like you, men like me. We should be ruling the world!”

Advantages:

• Physically much stronger

• Faster travel speeds

• More durable if you buy Planet Level Despicable Me

• More skilled in combat

• Fairy Godmother and her troops can’t resist PX-41 corrupting them

• Can BFR some of Fairy Godmother’s support

• Superior army

• More equipment

• Is still alive

• Peak dancing skills

Equal:

• Somewhat equivalent in speed
   

Disadvantages:

• Consistently less durable

• Slightly slower

• Arsenal is outclassed by Fairy Godmother’s hax in a lot of ways

• Support could dwindle over time

• Fairy Godmother’s forcefield would be tricky to get around

• No resistance to transmutation

• Illumination humor

Fairy Godmother

“I told you, ogres don’t live happily ever after!”

Advantages:

• Generally smarter

• Slightly faster reaction speeds

• Mobility via flight and teleportation

• Consistently more durable

• Forcefield protects from physical damage...

• El Macho and his minions can’t resist transmutation

• Can always summon more support

• Too fat to be BFR’d

• Amazing fucking singer

Equal:

• Somewhat equivalent in speed

Disadvantages:

• Physically much weaker

• Less skilled in combat

• Can’t use transmutation while her forcefield is up

• Transmutation magic could be reflected back at her

• ...Her forcefield will eventually run out

• Her wand could get stolen

• Transphobic

Final Tally

El Macho (1) - AlfieMations

Fairy Godmother (4) - Dash Fish, 1qwedt, Bluegatito, Ruby

The winner is the Fairy Godmother.

Next Time

Dash Fish

There’s a few upcoming blogs I’m working on, so these aren’t specific next times or anything. Also college is starting back up for me again soon so I’ll have less time to work on blogs, so these will likely come out less consistently in the future. And thanks so much to anyone who commented a suggestion under that one post I made.

GLaDOS VS One-One (Portal VS Infinity Train)

Majora VS The Core (Zelda VS Amphibia)

(Cancelled, RIP)

If you’d like to help with either of these feel free to message me:
Discord: dashfish

Reddit: Dash_Diamond

Thanks for reading!