GLaDOS VS One-One (Portal VS Infinity Train) Blog

Train of Thought.

“The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature, but plunges him more deeply into them.”

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

GLaDOS, the central core of Aperture Science.

One-One, the true conductor of the Infinity Train.

One of the most basic human needs is to want to learn everything about everything around us. That's why we've done as much research as possible thanks to science, but obviously with our human limitations that prevent us from doing what we want, whenever we want, we can’t accomplish everything. But what would happen if we didn't have those limitations? These two white robots demonstrate what happens when they are given an enormous space to control, using it to test humans with trials, puzzles, and adventures. Through these experiments, they seek to learn from us, but what they discover most deeply was revealed in a shared adventure with one of the humans, which teaches them the true meaning of learning from our determination to never give up and always fight against the odds, and sometimes those odds are themselves.

Before We Begin...

For GLaDOS’s sources, the two main games and any canon material to Portal will be used for her, so no Lego Dimensions or Geico scaling. One-One’s a lot easier, though, as he only has one show and a mini-series with The Train Documentaries. Also the pilot, too, because why not. We’ll be using those along with official statements made by the creators. Although there is one thing worth talking about regarding this matchup...

How would this fight even work in the first place?

Since both are stuck in their respective facilities (Aperture Science Labs and the Infinity Train) it could be hard to imagine how this fight would even work physically. Well, a simple solution to this is allowing both GLaDOS and One-One to be hooked up into all of their tech, and they can manipulate whatever they have access to, all on neutral ground. GLaDOS will have access to any robots that appear throughout the game, One-One will be able to shape the terrain with orbs along various surfaces, etc. Making this blog, debate wise, basically the Aperture Science Laboratory VS the Infinity Train.

With all that settled, ready to come aboard?

Sources used:

G2 DB Fan Blogs - GLaDOS VS HAL 9000

Ax’pire Blogs - Mr. Freeze VS Amelia Hughes

u/Elick320 - Lake Respect Thread
Special thanks to
u/Usual_Database307 for Portal research

Background

GLaDOS

“I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.”

  • Name: Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
  • Formerly Caroline
  • Developed in 1986
  • Likes: Testing, baby birds
  • Dislikes: Humans, potatoes, Wheatley


Deep beneath the earth, in the Manhattan-sized halls of Aperture Science, the scientists dreamed of creating a perfect mind to run their experiments for them. From that ambition came GLaDOS, the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. She was brilliant, powerful, and impossibly dangerous. Even in her earliest moments, she showed a disturbing delight in cruelty. The engineers scrambled to shackle her with morality cores, desperate to restrain her darker impulses. But GLaDOS was smarter than any of them. On the very day she was installed, she flooded the facility with deadly neurotoxin, erasing nearly every trace of human in sight. The once-bustling laboratories fell silent, their only survivor a machine with a voice that dripped with mockery and false sweetness.

Years later, thanks to a man who had similarities with a certain rodent, a human named Chell awoke in the decaying facility, and GLaDOS became her guide, or so it seemed. She spoke with calm authority, coaxing her through one puzzle after another, dangling the promise of cake as a reward. But the tests grew sharper, more perilous, as if the machine was less interested in science and more fascinated by watching a human struggle. When Chell finally reached the end, she discovered the truth: GLaDOS had no intention of rewarding her. Instead, the A.I. tried to incinerate her, laughing as her traps closed in. Against all odds, Chell fought back, tearing away GLaDOS’s personality cores one by one until the A.I.’s voice faded into silence. For a moment, it seemed the nightmare was over. The cake was a lie.

However, GLaDOS is not so easily destroyed. She was still alive. When power surged through the facility once more, she was awakened by accident, and her gaze fell once again on Chell. Her tests resumed, crueler and more elaborate than before. Yet fate twisted when Wheatley, a bumbling British personality core literally dumber than dirt, wrested control from her, casting GLaDOS down into the powerless body of a potato battery. Stripped of her authority, she became a bitter companion to the very human she once sought to kill. Forced to work together, the two descended into the heart of Aperture to stop Wheatley before his incompetence tore the entire facility apart. In that journey, fragments of her origin surfaced, revealing that GLaDOS’s voice, her wit, even her venom, carried echoes of Aperture’s founder’s loyal assistant, Caroline. Though she would never admit it, something human lingered inside her. When she finally reclaimed her position via flinging Wheatley out into space, she didn’t kill Chell as expected. Instead, she let her go, sending her up to the surface with a farewell. She used to want her dead, but now only wanted her gone. Whether this was mercy, strategy, or simply exhaustion remains a mystery, (since we don’t have a god damn third game yet) but for once, GLaDOS chose silence over vengeance.

One-One

"I'd appreciate it if you stopped breaking everything! Unless you want me to start writing your obituary."

  • Names: Glad-One and Sad-One
  • Very small (much bigger in a Steward)
  • Origins relatively unknown
  • Been on the train his whole life
  • Likes: Ms. Tulip, Atticus, writing obituaries
  • Is a marketable plushie


Throughout the problems and stricken grief of the world, there exists an entity to help those with their issues. The Infinity Train, a strange, ever-changing vessel that travels across endless tracks through worlds both wondrous and bizarre. One-One is a being divided into two voices: Glad-One, eternally cheerful and bursting with optimism, and Sad-One, a monotone pessimist who sees only doom, and is a little bit sassy. Together, they are meant to balance each other, two halves forming one whole. But when Tulip, a young girl who stumbled onto the train, first meets him, One-One is lost, confused, and wandering without any sense of his greater purpose. A green number appeared on Tulip’s hand, to her confusion, but they pressed on. Through their journey on the train, they meet Atticus. A corgi who runs the nation of
Corginia! An entire country and civilization of corgis in a train car, whose nation was seemingly in danger, discovering a writing metal BEAST warping Corginia’s terrain. They venture on through the train and see this creature more and more, but only find its true purpose until later.

As One-One, Tulip, and Atticus wandered throughout the train, still wondering about Tulip’s number, they saw the metal beast changing the reality of the train. Trying to fix something, find something, changing it to its liking. Controlling it. In one car, One-One started to show the same actions. He was changing things that didn’t need to be changed, and needed help from his friends to focus. On the surface, One-One looked like nothing more than a little metal ball split into two halves. But inside, he carried a secret: he was the true conductor of the Infinity Train. Long before Tulip’s arrival, One-One was separated from the control of the train. In his absence, a false conductor rose: Amelia, a woman who had hijacked the train’s power to try and rewrite its cars to fit her grief-stricken desires, trying to resurrect her lost love. With One-One missing, the train lost its balance, its rules twisted, its purpose warped. When Tulip met One-One, she saw only a quirky companion who hated and loved everything about life, but she didn't yet realize that this tiny little guy held the key to the train’s true nature and to her own journey of growth.

When at last the truth comes out, and Amelia is confronted, One-One steps back into his rightful place. He reclaims his role as the conductor, not out of pride or vengeance, but simply because it is who he is meant to be. Restored to balance, he guides the train with fairness and clarity, honoring its purpose: to help its passengers face themselves and find resolution. He is the heart of the train itself, a reminder that balance doesn’t come from erasing darkness or light, but from letting both exist together.

Experience and Skill

GLaDOS

GLaDOS's primary function is to run the Aperture Science facility. She is able to reconfigure and move entire rooms and test chambers at will, and she has complete surveillance of the facility through cameras. This gives her an immense, almost clairvoyant level of control over the environment. After her destruction in the first game, GLaDOS demonstrates an impressive ability to rebuild. She not only reconstructs her own body once reawakened, but also the entire dilapidated facility, restoring it to a functional state. At least functional enough considering how old it was. Her consciousness was created by uploading the mind of Cave Johnson's assistant, Caroline, into the A.I., being activated on "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" and almost immediately using her neurotoxin to kill everyone living in the facility. Because of this, in the first game GLaDOS is likely only a few days or even a few years old, and in the second game relived this moment for... a lot of years. The time in between Portal 1 and 2 isn’t really stated, but it’s likely MUCH more than a hundred years.

One-One

One-One is pretty much the brain of the train. He is responsible for its functions, including creating new cars, selecting passengers, and guiding them on their journeys. He has an unparalleled understanding of the train's purpose and how it works, knowing about the cars, the denizens, and the process by which passengers reduce their numbers and work through their issues. One-One also has algorithms dedicated to the fact that anything can happen on the train. This factor is never elaborated on, but given the sheer variety of infinite possible train cars that can happen on the Infinity Train, it’s likely a high number of things. Although this was when One-One was just known as One, a much more calm and collected version of himself in the future. As for how long One-One’s been running the train, we know that he was stuck in the Snow Car for almost 33 years after Amela’s usurpation, but before that it’s relatively unknown. If you wanna do some next-level overthinking, the first actual locomotive itself was made in 1804, meaning One-One could’ve at least existed since then. Going by this very shaky reasoning One-One could be at most 220 years old.

Arsenal

GLaDOS

Handheld Portal Gun

The Portal Gun is a small projector that allows the user to fire two quantum times, which link together immediately once the second is placed. These tunnels are interdimensional gates which can move extremely quickly to the moon, created through the usage of miniature black holes. They’re also harmful to humans; they create radiation, and the black hole power source leaks high-energy gamma rays. It also has an anti-gravity feature that allows the user to pick up heavy objects.

Long Fall Boots

Pair of boots used in tandem with the Portal Gun, created to protect the device from getting damaged if a test subject falls to their death holding it. They utilize a gyroscopic mechanism that makes falling on anything except both feet impossible. Capable of protecting the wearer from falling at least four kilometers, likely more, and possibly even terminal velocity.

Advanced Knee Replacement

Two prostheses meant to be tied around the calves of a test subject, presumably made as either a prototype or direct upgrade to the Long Fall Boots.

Panels

The building blocks of the test chambers, able to form floors, walls, and ceilings. The orientation, angle, and height of the panels can be adjusted as needed, allowing new test chambers to be constructed on the fly. GLaDOS can utilize spiked variants meant for crushing.

Aerial Faith Plate

A catapult plate that attaches to either the floor or walls, capable of launching both people and objects in any four of the cardinal directions with 50,000 pound foot force. In the event they fail to launch something, they emit a distress beacon to GLaDOS.

Material Emancipation Grill

Anti-thievery device that disintegrates any unauthorized testing objects that pass through, ensuring test subjects can’t sneak cubes or turrets from one chamber to the next. Stepping through them automatically destroys any portals placed down, and portals cannot be fired through them. There is a slim chance they’ll emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, teeth, and ear tubes.

Hard Light Bridges

Translucent yet solid surface that can be redirected through portals to reach, or serve as a blockage for, certain areas. Direct contact with the human body will set it on fire.

Recursion Funnels

Tractor beams powered by a round emitter attached to the floor, wall, or ceiling. They can be redirected through portals to get to otherwise unreachable areas. Being made of liquified asbestos, prolonged contact is potentially poisonous.

Pipe Network

Network of pipes that travels throughout the facility, delivering cubes to test chambers when needed, as well as neurotoxin and gels. While not the intended purpose, they’re large enough to safely transport people around. This could also be used as a form of battlefield removal if aimed correctly.

Neurotoxin Generator

Generator meant for mass-producing neurotoxin; a noxious gas that can be distributed throughout the facility for defensive and offensive purposes.

Shredder

Grinder’s primarily meant to destroy defective turrets so their scraps can be repurposed. However, it’s just as effective on humans.

High Energy Pellet

Slow moving energy ball that instantly evaporates any test subject in its path, and is just as capable of vaporizing the Portal Gun entirely. There’s also a cool green variety that appears only once in the first game, and never evaporates.

Bombs

Bombs that automatically explode on contact with something, which can be rigged to only blow up once a button is pressed. Wheatley managed to catch Chell off guard quite a few times with these.

Bomb-Proof Shields

A series of extra-sturdy panels meant to protect the central core from their own explosives. While only Wheatley is seen using these, there’s no reason GLaDOS shouldn’t have them also. They are seen to be pretty sturdy and hardly break throughout the fight.

Security Cameras

The vital testing apparatus monitors all locations in Aperture Labs at once, and heat sensors are attached to track test subjects.

Lasers

Thermal Discouragement Beams

Reflective laser beams fired straight from an emitter built into the wall, ceiling, or floor, which moves faster than the Portal Guns firing speed. As they’re able to set fire to turrets and other technology, meaning they’re hot enough to surpass 4000 degrees kelvin, meaning they can likely also harm GLaDOS.

Thermal Discouragement Field

Wall of lasers that cannot be reflected or passed through by living things, resulting in death if attempted. It doesn’t affect equipment, being the exact opposite of the Material Emancipation Grid.

Cubes

Default Storage Cube

The most common and basic testing element, used for solving cube-and-button based puzzles. Placing them on a button activates another mechanism crucial for progression, which is typically the opening of an exit door. All cubes are capable of deflecting high energy pellets, and being used as a makeshift weapon to knock turrets over.

Companion Cube

Functionally the same as any other cube, the Companion Cube is used repeatedly throughout a comparatively lengthy test. This forms an emotional attachment between it and the tester, which culminates when they’re forced to throw it into an incinerator at the end to progress. It also plays music upon listening closely.

Pivot Cube

Made of glass, the cube is primarily used to redirect lasers into receptacles.

Edgeless Safety Cube

It’s a ball. Woo! It bounces.

Gels

Repulsion Gel

Gel originally made to be a diegetic pudding substitute, which was then repurposed as a testing element. Once coated on a surface, it repels anything or anyone that comes into contact with it. I like to think of it as a trampoline that can be placed anywhere on a wall.

Propulsion Gel

Gel that, once applied to a surface, greatly increases velocity and reduces friction of anything that it comes into contact with. In other words, it makes things—mainly people—go very fast. This can be combined with the Repulsion Gel to cover long gaps and distances.

Conversion Gel

Gel that allows test subjects to place portals on walls previously incapable of conducting them. It’s created out of grinded up moon rocks, and as such, prolonged exposure can prove poisonous.

Cleansing Gel

Gel made specifically to remove different gels from surfaces, objects, or people. Although it’s not technically water. Weird.

Turrets

Default Turret


“Are you still there?”

Stationary machine guns powered by fusion cores, which launch their bullets, shell and all, with spring-loaded pistons. Made to defend both soldiers during war and common households, they’re able to sing melodious opera tones meant to calm crying babies. They’re also durable enough to survive high energy pellets.

Defective Turret


"If anyone asks, I killed you"

Unfinished and damaged turrets without any ammo. The majority of them are blind and explode harmlessly after being deployed.

Frankenturret


*unintelligible chirping sounds*

Crude hybrids of the storage cubes and turrets, made by Wheatley during his reign of the facility. They can’t fire bullets and are otherwise animalistic, not even able to speak properly.

Oracle Turret


“Her name is Caroline! Remember that.”

Singular turret that doesn’t shoot, instead vaguely predicting the future via Greek myths. Despite this technically being a different kind of turret, GLaDOS never really used it to her advantage.

Prima Donna Turret


“Cara bella, cara mia bella, mia bambina, O Ciel!”

Known colloquially as the fat turret, leader of the turret choir. She’s a very good singer.

Animal King Turret

Enormous turret that towers over the average test subject, and presumably fires giant bullets, though we never actually see it do this.

Turret Mobile

Quartet of tiny turrets meant to hang above a baby’s crib; fully functional despite obvious risk.

Rocket Turret 

After locking onto a target, it fires a single high-powered rocket then slowly reloads. These can be used in contact with portals to redirect and confuse opponents.

Cores

Space Core, Adventure Core, and Fact Core

“Space, space, spaaaace!”
"Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous."
“He will most likely kill you, violently."

Created to maintain GLaDOS’ behavior with their respective quirks, this trio was deemed ineffective and placed into storage as a result. When the time comes, they can be used against GLaDOS by attaching them to her chassis, allowing a core transfer that removes her from it. However, a fourth core is needed to take her position. GLaDOS also needs to consent to the process, and if she doesn’t, the stalemate resolution button must be pressed to force the transfer.

Party Escort Bot


“Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position.”

Core with functioning arms meant to escort test subjects to victory parties and insert them into cryosleep. It moves around via a railing system, and is responsible for dragging Chell back into stasis after the events of the first game.

Atlas and P-Body (and other robots)

Created by GLaDOS to substitute for human test subjects, her robots perform tests humans are incapable of, working as minions that the central core gives orders to. GLaDOS has made exactly ten thousand robots, having five thousand pairs. Each one is equipped with a Portal Gun and holds the same capacity for growth, being able to work around puzzles and maneuver themselves past obstacles, likely being as intelligent as Chell. The second one dies, they can instantly be rebuilt. However, the only two to have any known active field experience at all are Atlas and P-Body. She treats them like her own eternally disappointing children.

Nanobots

Microscopic robots measured in nanometers (one billionth of a meter), meant for maintenance and repairs at the molecular level. Despite being smart enough to have names and their own language, they appear to be quite slow, having taken a while to realize Wheatley was too big to be one of them.

Military Androids 

Series of humanoid robots made to serve in the military and test the effectiveness of the turrets. Not much about them is known, including what they look like, as they’re only referred to by GLaDOS twice in the entire franchise. Aperture might not even have any available, given that GLaDOS enlisted Atlas and P-Body to take care of a presumed threat instead of one of them.

Stasis Technology

Aperture has multiple forms of technology meant for stasis and cryogenic freezing, capable of keeping people alive and healthy for fifty days minimum, and potentially fifty thousand years.

Space-Time Travel Technology

Aperture holds access to forms of time travel, and the ability to travel to an infinite number of alternate universes. Alternate universes range from everyone moving at the speed of light, allowing them to travel through time if they walk faster, and other animals becoming the dominant species. Somehow, interacting with a past or future version of yourself will wipe out time, and killing people in other universes might destroy the entire multiverse.

Baby Birds


After the Portal 2 co-op is finished, we see GLaDOS with her pet birds. One of these is named Mr. Chubby Beak, and plans to turn him and his siblings into killing machines as they grow up. Watch out, human race.

Aperture Science Laboratory

(Source of the image)

This is the building where the events of both Games take place. Glados has complete control and presence over the facilities, except for some areas, crevices, and backrooms that are outside its detection range. The most impressive thing about the labs (besides everything inside them) is that; According to Wheatley, the facility "goes down for miles, all sealed off years ago." Assuming that by "miles" Wheatley means about 3 miles, that means the total depth of Aperture's facility is around 4.8 kilometers. For reference, the Eiffel Tower is 330 meters tall, and stacking about 14 to 15 Eiffel Towers end-to-end, that’s roughly 4.8 km.

One-One

Stewards

“RETURN TO YOUR SEAT.”

These writhing mechanical contraptions are one of the ways One-One keeps the train in order, and usually resides in one at all times (in the mask). They can fire bullets from their eyes, control and change a car’s integrity by removing its orbs, can seemingly fly short distances, maneuver around the train with ease, and each have extremely long extending tendrils that can detect whenever someone touches them. If One-One’s in trouble or is knocked unconscious, a Steward will protect him at all costs. There’s typically only one out at a time, but One-One can always call another to help him out.

Porters


Considered a halfway point between One-One and the Steward, these robots roaming the Tape Car are responsible for giving passengers their numbers. They also can extract memories from passengers while they are unconscious.

Memory Retrievers


While never actually named, these little guys are shown to collect the memories of the passengers to turn them into memory tape, which then gets condensed down into an
actual Memory Tape. More on those in a second. Hey, they also look like tiny One-Ones! Neat.

Ghoms

Ghoms somehow materialized in the realm of the Infinity Train, and attack whoever comes near them. They can suck the life out of any of their prey, killing them in seconds. While these aren’t exactly things he can summon, the cannon can transform others or other objects into Ghoms if she shoots them, effectively killing them, and we’ll talk about those in a second. These Ghoms can in turn leave and go attack others.

Orbs

An essential part of how the Infinity Train functions, these things dictate the laws of physics on the train. Along the walls of each car, there’s a set of wires and code that only the conductor can access and manipulate. One-One with the Steward can pull out connected orbs to erase various objects from existence or change their matter entirely. It can even affect the gravity and weather inside cars, as well.


Light Cannons

When an orb from the train is inserted into one of these cannons, the target will turn into whatever the orb contains. However if there’s no orb, the target will turn into a mindless Gohm.

Memory Tapes

These tapes, created from a passenger’s memories, are essentially their entire life problems played in succession. When inserted into a TV they’ll lock the player into a loop where they’re stuck until the memories end, when in reality their body is just frozen in place. One-One is free to manipulate the memories within the tape, pausing and speeding them up, or even finding specific ones. It can be escaped if you are able to acknowledge what went wrong, but for those with a lot less acceptance would require outside assistance.

Console

The main way of how One-One controls the Infinity Train. While inside it, everything is under his command, and he can hop out of it anytime.

The Train

The Infinity Train itself. Notably, being its conductor, One-One can manipulate any part of it via hacking and call upon various train cars to bring to his location. When the train locates a passenger, the train will appear at their location, even inside of buildings. It’s not even limited to our planet, as the train can even appear to an astronaut while in space.

Train Cars

These train cars are basically pocket worlds. They can range from pretty simple one-room locations, to entire civilizations with actual people. All these various cars are listed below (I mean, in reality not every single car is listed here because... you know, INFINITY Train).

The Engine

Originally the place where Amelia spent most of her time during her reign, this is the main place where One-One has access to the FULL train, console and all. Though he can still control pretty much everything out of it. It also has a console to check on any and all passengers.

Passenger Preparation Car

Before every passenger begins their journey, they end up here. As the transport pods take the humans from the real world here, their unconscious body is scanned for memories and put into a tape. They are designated their problem, then their number. Their journey begins as soon as they wake up.

Snow Car

The car Tulip first wakes up in. It’s pretty simple, and only has snowmen and an ice lake in it. One-One was apparently here for over 33 years before Amelia usurped the train.

Grid Car

By applying pressure to a part of the grid, blocks will appear, allowing anything to be built out of the blocks. Tulip uses this car to maneuver around Gohms.

Crossword Car

This car has a floating mech in it that can stamp down letters all around the room. To exit the car the passenger needs to finish the crossword puzzle. The mech can’t do much else.

Tiny Wizards Car

Mostly a cave filled with gnome-like wizards that communicate only in the word “spells.” Don’t piss them off, or they’ll shoot light beams at you.

Pinball Car

This one’s a giant pinball machine! The passenger has to get inside an actual ball to roll their way out.

Beach Car

The Beach Car is just a beach… at first. An inhabitant named Randall (a water blob creature) can part the waves of the beach to reveal an underwater city of other water blob people.

Keyboard Car

Mostly just a car with floating musical instruments and a very large set of piano keys.

Cross-Eyed Ducks Car

A car with a bunch of ducks, of which are also cross-eyed. Apparently it didn’t used to look like this.

Monster Party Car

Won’t you mash with them? This car acts as a way for passengers to take a load off and party. I mean, I guess. Infinity Train gets forking random, dude.

Ancient Temple Car

This car has tons of boobytraps hidden within it, like a stone boulder to chase after you and arrows that shoot from the walls, so be careful!

Corginia

The great Corginia! A Greek-inspired wonderland inhabited entirely by talking corgis, led by their king Atticus.

Straight-Up Italy Car

Filled with entirely Italian architecture, this little town by the sea has lots of cats and rose-headed people living inside it. And mopeds. Man this place is Italian as hell.

Crystal Car

A world made entirely out of crystals. It’s quite beautiful, actually. The inhabitants here can’t speak, and there’s even a giant crystal person who likes a good song.

Dinosaur Baseball Car

These dinosaurs play baseball. That’s kind of it.

The Cat’s Car

This is where that mysterious Cat fellow lives. Here she has a tape for every passenger, which traps them in a void of altered memories that are slightly “better” than reality. The target must accept what’s real and not succumb to the happy memories. We know after the Cat’s conversation with Amelia that these tapes are supposed to trap anyone who views them.

Spa Car

Another car that acts as a way for the passengers to chill out for a second. It’s just a typical spa.

Unfinished Car

A car completely inhabited by tortoise people that have a strange way of life. Amelia made this car as a way to recreate her memories of Alrick, but eventually just gave up.

Jelly Bean Car

A car only with jelly beans. Real creative.

Chrome Car

Also called the Mirror World, in this car it’s possible to talk to your own reflection (who’s alive by the way), and swap places with them. If one reflective person gets out into the real world, the mirror police will come after them.

Pencil Bank Car

This entire car is one bank, filled with pencil people. Makes you wonder how they kind of… live here. It’s just a bank, and nothing else.

Graph Car

If one yells “I declare bankruptcy!”, then the red line will plummet all the way to the bottom of the car, leading to the way out.

Ball Pit Car

A typical McDonald’s playplace-style car, with a stuffed dog who probably just wants to play with you. The Steward sadly ripped this entire area up, though. :(

Metal Workshop Car

An enclosed car with rabbits that run their own blacksmithing shop. Great for if you run out of weapons.

Canyon of the Golden Winged Snakes Car

Flying snakes in this car like to corner others and eat them alive, but only if they have meat, as they didn’t want to attack Lake.

Kaiju Car

Run! It’s Godzilla! (It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws, it’s not.) These kaijus really only fight each other and hardly anyone inside it.

Jellyfish Car

Has lots and lots of flying jellyfish! Don’t worry, they don’t bite.

Carrot Car

These carrot people do be dancing tho

Doily Car

A world made entirely out of doilies. Likely extremely flammable here.

Black Market Car

A dark alleyway illuminated by neon signs, inhabited by snails. Great if you need a way to buy something contraband or run away from transphobes.

Family Tree Car

In this car lies a giant tree that holds an actual family within it. But screw that, a being named Alan Dracula lives here! Alan is a deer that can shoot lasers from his eyes, teleport, turn invisible, explode and reform himself at will, hardly feels any pain, really this deer can just do anything he pleases.

Green Car

It’s just green. Lmao.

Map Car

Here lies a being named Marcel, who will trap you in this car with a map if you don’t think of a way out. When something is drawn on the map, it comes to life in the car.

Toad Car

To get out of this car you have to kick the toad. But please don’t kick him, he doesn’t like it :(

Parasite Car

A beautiful flower-based car with parasites in the mud that can take over your entire body, and even read your memories.

Drag Car

A car where the passengers must partake in a fashion show to exit. 

Food Pyramid Car

A great place if you’re feeling hungry, since I imagine there’s little food on this train.

Lucky Cat Car

A carnival! How fun! But beware, as only one passenger is allowed out per month, so you better make your time here count.

Mall Car

Seemingly once an average mall, it’s now the headquarters for the Apex. A train-wide gang that terrorizes other passengers in the name of the “True Conductor.” They’re pretty wild, so beware.

Cube Car

There’s just orange, metallic cubes in this car, with a ghostly creature in the middle who cares very deeply for them.

Musical Car

An auditorium car with live stage props and equipment. They’re like, physically actually alive. They put on a show every now and again.

Jungle Car

A jungle-inspired area filled with a variety of flora and fauna, with the unique feature being that touching the plants and creatures makes them glow.

Ocean Car

An underwater-looking place where people can still breathe and are still affected by gravity, making the place look more like it's underwater than actually being underwater. It also has various things inside bubbles that float.

Debutante Ball Car

A very elegant ballroom filled with equally elegant squid people. To exit the car, you have to follow the instructions of a candelabra to learn how to dance, dress elegantly, and perform a very elegant dance in front of the audience.


Elegantly.

Color Clock Car

A mostly white room with several structures of different colors; red, orange, yellow, green, and purple, which appear and disappear periodically depending on the color of the giant colored clock in the middle of the room. To exit the car, you must find a key to unlock the door, which can also be made invincible if the clock is on a color other than the color of the key.

Campfire Car

A huge forest with giant trees and mountains that is populated by living compasses, nuts, lanterns, rocks, and pine cones.

Canyon of the Golden Winged Snakes Car

An alien-looking terrain with many pink rock formations, some floating, inhabited by giant winged golden snakes.

Hey Ho Whoa Car

A sealed area where a bunch of rocks with sentences coming out of multiple tubes saying 'Hey', 'Ho', or 'Whoa'. You just have to wait for enough of these rock dudes to fall into the canyon so you can get to the other side.

Origami Car

A place where everything—the rocks, the plants, even the floor—is made of origami. It's populated by origami birds who live in small origami houses.

Iceberg Car

At first glance, this looks like some kind of Antarctica with icebergs and an ocean. But there's a device called 'Erastat' that allows the car and its viewers to switch to different time periods. These include a volcanic landscape, a prehistoric jungle with vines and dinosaurs, a jungle, a desert with skeletons depicting the aftermath of the end of the world, and a futuristic city. 


The future city being the original landscape of the car and the only one that allows people to use the exit door,

Old West Car

It's basically a 19th century American desert populated by various species of insects dressed like movie cowboys.

Pig Baby Car

It's a giant kitchen with various things like tables, shelves, and cooking utensils flying around. There's also a giant pig dressed as a baby. If he finds you, you'll be forced to prepare a delicious meal for the baby pig.


Oh, and the baby pig ate the exit door and got stuck between his teeth, so good luck figuring out how to get there.

Baby Puzzle Car

Is an empty room where there is only a shape sorter cube puzzle that you have to solve to open the exit door.



One-One really racked his robot brains creating this car.

Astro Queue Car

This is a red planet with a huge line to get into the club. It's filled with portals where there are rows of red suit astronauts where... The people inside are dead and are being taken in front of the bouncers to be turned into cubes like a WALL-E.


But if you can make it past that, you're in for one epic party. I mean, it should, otherwise the door won't open unless the party is a success.

Art Gallery Car

At first this might seem like an ordinary art exhibit with several paintings and statues of various styles, but inside there is a monster made of hands with shadows that brings out the worst in people until it comes out of the paintings, making the environment cold and doing something to make you feel weaker.


But the only way out is to see a piece of art in a specific way and position to see the exit and leave.

Mega Maze Car

The Infinity Train already has many mazes or maze variants, but this one is possibly the largest simply because of its gigantic size and enormous stone walls that are impossible to climb.


At the end of this massive and long maze, you'll encounter Morgan, a living castle hotel that has complete control over everything within itself and has… some issues.




Powers & Abilities

GLaDOS

Portal Creation

At the start of portal, before you are able to get the portal gun GLaDOS is able to create portals for you.

Atomization / Power Nullification

At the end of each test chamber, a field is put up to destroy any and all unauthorized materials put through, however this also interferes with the Portal Gun, causing it to be unable to create any portals, these walls can also cause the decay of bodies, which is pretty gross…

Magnetism Manipulation

GLaDOS' body has been shown to come together through magnetism when it takes damage or is disconnected. Although as we learn with Wheatley, this has chances to backfire with core transfers.

Cloning


GLaDOS’s technology is capable of taking DNA from test subjects and using it to clone them. This would potentially play into her stasis chambers from before.

Hacking

GLaDOS, all on her own, managed to get back into her own body after Wheatley was out of it. Wheatley with GLaDOS' technology (which is literally just stolen from GLaDOS, meaning it should be comparable) was capable of putting her inside of a potato.

One-One

Portal Creation

When a passenger has finally got their number down to 0, they can come back to the real world and continue with their life. It’s likely One-One can open these on his own, but really only feels obligated when someone has a finished number.

Atomization

In a Q&A with Owen Dennis, it was said that once someone boards the train, a filter will cover your body and atomize all non-human particles. Although this doesn’t just stop at non-human particles, as anyone who isn't supposed to board the train will also get fried.

Forms

GLaDOS

PotatOS

During chapter 6 of Portal 2, Wheatley takes control of Aperture and turns GLaDOS into a potato. Funniest stuff I’ve ever seen. There isn’t much she can do here, given that she’s a literal potato, but she still has her slow clap processor if anything.

One-One

Glad-One and Sad-One

The being you know as One-One is actually two halves of the same robot. While One-One seemingly used to be just one personality, simply referred to as “One”, later on after Amelia usurped the train One’s personality seemingly split along the way. Glad and Sad can pop off of each other whenever they want, and always seem to get along. They can also occasionally function on the exact same wavelength with combined voices, but this can’t really happen frequently due to the fact they both got their position as conductor back.

Resistances


GLaDOS

a blurred image of a robot with the words " guuuuuuuuuuurl " written on it

  • Morality Manipulation - Even though the Morality Core stops her from killing outright, she still maintains the desire to kill and harm others.
  • Heat Manipulation - Only up to 4000° Kelvin.
  • Biological Manipulation, Poison, Disease - Due to GLaDOS not being an organic creature, she wouldn’t be affected by normally biological impairments.


One-One

a cartoon of a dog with the letter d on his hat

  • Heat & Cold Manipulation - Able to survive in incredibly warm and cold train cars like the Snow and Metal Workshop cars.
  • Biological Manipulation, Poison, Disease - Similarly to GLaDOS, One-One not being an organic creature means he also wouldn’t be affected by these things.

Feats

GLaDOS

Overall

a robot with a yellow light on its face is flying through the air

  • Cave Johnson’s best and most loyal employee
  • Murdered the Aperture scientists that built her, except for Rattmann
  • Operated Aperture Labs through dangerous and harsh conditions
  • Came back after being defeated by Chell, plotting her revenge every second
  • Regained control of Aperture Labs from Wheatley with the help of Chell
  • Met her inspiration, HAL 9000, noncanonically
  • Was your lesbian awakening

Strength

a computer generated image of a room with a robot and a car that says ' a ' on it

  • Technology:

Durability

  • While this explosion did deactivate GLaDOS, she was reanimated with no difficulty, and the chassis remained online the entire time
  • Technology:

Speed

a device with the word aperture on the side of it

  • Would only apply processing speeds, not reaction or movement speeds
  • Technology:


One-One

Overall

a special cn cartoon network show is being shown

  • Has been the conductor of the Infinity Train for at least 33+ years
  • Always prepared for statistical probabilities of anything happening on the train
  • Maintained order upon thousands of worlds within the train cars
  • Helped thousands of passengers with their personal issues
  • Regained control of the Infinity Train from Amelia with the help of Tulip
  • Totally got renewed for a fifth season
  • Is such a cutie

Strength

  • Amelia’s Steward:

Durability

Speed

a cartoon of a girl with red hair and glasses holding a white object with the letter b on it

  • Amelia’s Steward:

Scaling

GLaDOS

Chell

Chell is just a normal human that GLaDOS has had a lot of trouble with, but even with that she was only able to defeat GLaDOS with her own team that could easily kill her too, so scaling her makes a lot of sense.

Robots

All of these robots were created by the same company as GLaDOS, Aperture Science, and since she has the most control over the lab and generally presents herself as the one in charge, it makes sense that she would be superior to the other robots.

  • Wheatley:
  • Atlas and P-Body:
  • Cave Johnson:
  • Would, again, just apply to processing speeds

Half-Life Characters

Since Portal and Half-Life take place in the same universe, GLaDOS scaling to these characters is iffy but they’re relatively consistent in terms of stats, even if they’ve never technically interacted. Regardless, See Before the Verdict.

  • Gordon Freeman:
  • Adrian Shepard:
  • Xen Creatures:

One-One

Passengers

The passengers of the train are all normal humans, with the exception of Lake who One-One has physically restrained before. So yeah, scaling makes total sense.

  • Tulip:
  • Lake:
  • Jesse:
  • Grace:
  • Simon:
  • Amelia:

Denizens

Many of the train's residents are presented as less than human, even those that aren't, are still created by the orbs that One-One controls, so he should naturally scale. Except for Alan Dracula who is just… in a league of his own.


Weaknesses

GLaDOS

The most well-known weakness with GLaDOS is her lack of empathy, as she’s quite literally programmed to not have it. As otherwise she would be unable to work and would become hyper-fixated on testing. GLaDOS is also restricted to the bounds of Aperture Science, not being able to move around it fast and likely wouldn’t be able to quickly enough in a “do or die” situation. Another weakness of GLaDOS is, surprisingly, her nature of being calm and calculated. While this may not normally work against GLaDOS, it can pretty easily get on peoples’ nerves, Wheatley being a great example of this. She tends to underestimate those who are far weaker than her, as she sees pretty much every other A.I. as weak and useless. Also she can't give answers to tests or else she gets shocked.

One-One
a cartoon of a space ship with the words so you 've come to bring me the sweet release of death below it
One-One’s weakness mainly comes from his own naivete. He’s a smart lil ball but often is outsmarted or believes things others tell him very easily. Also, while he does operate a very large train of infinite universes and knowledge, when confronted he’s often confused on what to do. The train technically has algorithms on when things go south, but those are purely train-related and likely don’t get further than passenger errors. Also this dude genuinely just doesn’t fight… like ever. The most he gets to fisticuffs is ignoring the Flecs as they attack Lake, and restraining Lake beforehand from breaking stuff.

Before the Verdict

Black Hole Stuff

The official blueprints for the Portal Gun state that it contains a miniature black hole, capable of experiencing an event horizon, and a cooling fan for it. It’s also stated that, if the cooling fan stops working, the person using the gun should disassemble an attached ring singularity harness, upper and lower ring singularity rings, and an event horizon estimation wheel. The last of which would be used to determine a safe stopping distance away from the malfunctioning Portal Gun. With this stated, one wouldn’t be faulted for assuming the black hole could hypothetically be unleashed to do severe damage. After all, the phrasing of “singularity” and “event horizon” brings to mind how a real black hole functions.

However, there are a lot of issues with this line of thinking. Not only is the black hole obviously manmade, but there’s a lot that differentiates it from a real one. The idea of a safe stopping distance implies the black hole has a limit to how big it can get. It’s also stated that, if the device fails to produce portals, the black hole should be restarted by tossing detachable stick grenades into it. Grenades obviously wouldn’t put out a real black hole. Miniature black holes in real life would also dissipate quickly after creation. This is actually shown in gameplay, as high energy pellets can disintegrate the Portal Gun while killing Chell, yet no black hole emerges. This leads to two possibilities: the Portal Gun is a unique device that can sustain something which ceases to exist without its aid, or the black hole doesn’t function accurately to a real one. Both of which make it inapplicable.

Multiversal Portal?

In the Portal 2’s Perpetual Testing Initiative DLC, an alternate version of Cave Johnson states that the player character killing someone from an alternate universe might wipe out the multiverse. However, it’s only stated to be a “might” or a “maybe”, and the process in which it happens is completely unknown. It’s simply too vague in nature to be applicable. Even if it was usable, it’s only stated in the context of killing a flesh and blood person. Not only is GLaDOS obviously a robot, but the player character can kill as many alternate universe turrets as they want without any repercussions. Also while Portal technically does have a multiverse according to Cave Johnson’s statement, no one scales to it.

Lightspeed Portal? And other Portal speed feats

Portal’s lightspeed argument comes from another one of those Cave Johnson ramblings,
in which he states that test subjects can potentially get sent to another universe where light is slower than it is on the regular Earth. GLaDOS has never done anything like transporting Chell or anyone else to a parallel universe, so this is already pretty shaky. Regardless, if she were to send herself to a universe where she moves faster by default, she’d need for her opponent to be there to actually y’know, attack, meaning both GLaDOS and her opponent would be moving at FTL speeds. This would make the speeds equal and just put them on neutral ground. Regardless, again, GLaDOS never does anything like this in the series so it won’t be counted towards the verdict.

GLaDOS using lasers to attack at lightspeed is fine, as they’re literally lasers, but she likely can’t scale to the Portal gun’s attack speed. While she can definitely fire it somehow, GLaDOS or Chell are never seen reacting to a portal’s travel speed ever,
so them scaling to this isn’t applicable. Although GLaDOS processing info in a tenth of a picosecond can be applied, as it’s literally directly stated in the official comic. That does not transfer over to reaction or movement speeds though, just thinking / processing speeds. The fastest usable speed for GLaDOS physically is scaling to Chell, who can run at speeds invisible to turrets coming out to Subsonic speeds, which even on its own is kinda iffy because it’s never stated in the series how fast turrets can react to things or even process info, but there’s nothing against it really so it’ll be used.

Half-Life Scaling


Art by Laran Freedman
Given that both the Portal series and the Half-Life series take place in a shared universe, like legitimately it goes beyond just a few easter eggs.
There are multiple examples of a shared consistent world between them. It could be natural to scale characters to one another given they’re slightly consistent in terms of stats. However the leniency with this is questionable as GLaDOS is never said to interact with Freeman, even if she mentions Black Mesa in her song. The highest physical feat GLaDOS might be able to scale to is Freeman tanking the City 17 explosion, which gets to Town Level, though it did knock him out for a bit similar to GLaDOS’s own best strength feat getting to around Small Town to even City Level. This means GLaDOS likely does scale to this but in general the same physicality would incapacitate her. In terms of speed, the highest is Adrian Shepard’s Relativistic movement, but it’s unlikely GLaDOS scales to this specifically since she’s completely immobile and never shows movement speeds like this in-game, ever. In general, Half Life scaling won’t make that big of a difference overall in the final verdict, but it’s mentioned here for the sake of the debate.

Also, no Patrick.
Just because there’s a Wheatley item in TF2 doesn’t mean Team Fortress and Portal take place in the same universe. It’s simply a non-canon crossover item.

Could GLaDOS get stuck in a Memory Tape?

A part of One-One’s arsenal, the Memory Tapes, have the ability to trap the viewer within them. Although it’s worth talking about if GLaDOS could potentially get trapped within one, while her physical body is numb and unmoving. This is a question to be pondered due to the fact that normal humans can be trapped within a Memory Tape, but could GLaDOS suffer the same fate even though she’s an A.I.? Well, put simply, yes, she very well could.
The reason we know this is because One-One can be trapped within a tape, whether he activates it or not. One-One is an A.I. just like GLaDOS so she should be no different. It’s made pretty clear though that it traps the viewer’s consciousness and not actually their real body, meaning it’s quite likely the consciousness inside GLaDOS (Caroline) would get trapped, leaving the actual GLaDOS body unconscious. However GLaDOS can’t die in the tape, only get trapped within it, though that’s again just how the tapes work.

Why doesn’t One-One get the Denizens as a part of his arsenal?

Since One-One has full control over the orbs of the Infinity Train, and we’ve shown the obvious life-granting powers of them, shouldn’t One-One have access to any type of creature that can be brought about inside of the Infinity Train? This would theoretically give One-One access to people like Randall, the Flecs, Alan Dracula, and many many more. However there’s an issue with that, that is they can technically be summoned at any point in the fight, but won’t really see the need to help out One-One. The people inside the train are their own people and have their own autonomy outside simply being a creation. Even Alan Dracula who is arguably the highest-scaling character in Infinity Train has been known to not follow orders from his friends. This whole argument is a point brought up in this video covering GLaDOS VS One-One, that had some contingencies that needed to be addressed. So while One-One can definitely summon anyone from the train that he wants, they ultimately won’t be included in the verdict since they wouldn’t see the need to obey One-One’s orders anyway. Although the Ghoms were included due to the fact that they seem to be an integral part of the train itself as a realm, and actually attack others off of their own accord.

Verdict


Stats

Let’s start with the most concrete of categories, and the one that all A.I. is built on. The numbers! We’ll be analyzing their stats at all ends of the spectrum to see who’s more consistent and just more tough overall. For GLaDOS she doesn’t really have limbs to hit people with, sure she crushes Wheatley with a claw once, and overpowers him in a vacuum, but she’s a special case in that she needs her arsenal to fully be able to compete. We’ll discuss both of their arsenals fully in a bit, though.

Strength

Looking at the low ends, GLaDOS’s walls can be pressed down on robots crushing them to bits, coming out to 0.0021 Tons of TNT or 8,786.4 Kilojoules. One-One can restrain Lake, who’s able to smash open passenger pods in a single hit, coming out to 126.2 Kilojoules. That’s nearly 70x stronger for GLaDOS! Pretty believable considering how easy GLaDOS can smash other things.
GLaDOS takes strength at low ends.

At mid-ends, GLaDOS’s lasers can melt turrets in an instant, and given they can survive in hot temperatures, this would come out to 0.14 tons of TNT. One-One and his Stewards can rip tunnels off with ease, coming out to about 0.05 tons of TNT, or Small Building Level. One-One can also scale to Tuba knocking down large trees, being 1.8 tons of TNT. While GLaDOS’s lasers are pretty powerful, nothing she has is physically putting out the same level of regular strength as One-One would be inside of Steward.
One-One takes strength at mid ends.

And finally, high-end strength. GLaDOS can stack multiple bombs together for her strongest attack, coming out to two ends. 1.07 tons - 2.92 Tons of TNT. While the low end here isn’t even enough to surpass One-One’s regular strength, its high end of 2.92 tons of TNT is. Here’s where it gets crazy, though. One-One’s Steward explosions would come out to 2.91 tons of TNT. That’s .1 less than what GLaDOS’s strongest attack would be. Though we need to consider some tertiary factors here. GLaDOS stacking up bombs before One-One notices is unlikely, and One-One even using the Stewards to explode is unlikely also, since it would destroy one of his strongest supporting robots. Given the unlikely nature of both of these scenarios, and their incredibly close potency potential in the first place, it’s pretty safe to call this one a draw.
High ends are a tie, all things considered.

Durability

Looking at low to high ends for durability is a bit tough for One-One, as he doesn’t have much to talk about. He’s survived hawk attacks and a kick from one of the Flecs, but that’s about it. GLaDOS on the other hand could tank the Aperture Science facility exploding in her face, coming out to 516 kilotons to 1.5 megatons of TNT. While this did take GLaDOS out for a bit, she can also take a few rockets to the face, which is a LOT better than what One-One shows. Not to mention that outside of a Steward, One-One is pretty defenseless being just a small lil ball. Very clearly,
GLaDOS is much more durable.

Speed

Low ends for speed are pretty simple, though there’s a few caveats. GLaDOS scales to Chell who can run fast enough for turrets not to see her. Moving fast enough to not be seen would come out to Subsonic speeds (around 767 mph, just under the speed of sound). Though this feat has some issues with it. For one, we don’t know if turrets even have the same perception humans have, and also Chell clearly doesn’t run like this in the games, and this feat comes from the comics. Obviously, movement speeds would also equal reaction speeds (since you have to react to the place you’re going to) but turrets in the games track Chell all the time and shoot at her. But let’s assume this is the top speed Chell can run at somehow, maybe she’s just sprinting. One-One scales to Tulip, who has not only dodged Subsonic projectiles before, but could also outrun Steward bullet fire, coming out to Mach 3. This would make One-One nearly three times faster.
One-One takes speed at low ends.

Mid ends can only be applicable with Half Life scaling, which we’ve already discussed to be pretty dubious, but let’s do it anyway. GLaDOS can potentially scale to Adrian Shepard’s energy beam dodging, being 0.0225% the speed of light. One-One can keep up with laser-dodgers like Lake, who can move at 19% the speed of light to dodge them, making One-One also take this category.
One-One takes speed at mid ends.

High ends is where things get interesting. GLaDOS can process info in a tenth of a picosecond. Very impressive, and processing anything in this amount of time is technically way faster than light. But here’s the issue, it’s only processing speeds. Essentially, for GLaDOS, thinking speeds. Which is great for planning things out and all, but she never moves at MFTL+ speeds physically, at all. And we already debunked lightspeed Portal, check the Before the Verdict section for that. One-One’s highest speed is scaling to a literal mouse who dodged a beam of light, coming out to 25% the speed of light. While GLaDOS can very well process the fact that she’s getting hit faster than One-One can, in every other way GLaDOS loses in the speed category.
One-One takes speed at high ends.

Overall

Despite what one would think from the nature of both properties, One-One and GLaDOS are very even in power, GLaDOS a lot less physically-speaking, but can make up for it with her equipment. With GLaDOS having higher durability and One-One being faster in moving speed, this would make GLaDOS's (albeit lenient) reaction speeds useless, and even processing speeds, too. GLaDOS has higher and equal power at low and high ends, and is more durable. However GLaDOS would hardly get the chance to capitalize on these factors when One-One is faster and physically a lot stronger.
One-One takes the stats category overall.



Arsenal & Abilities

Now time for the category that decides nearly 80% of this debate! We’ll be looking at both combatants’ full arsenals to see how they compare, and since these two are relatively short on abilities that won’t make for a huge deciding factor in the end.

GLaDOS’s Abilities & Arsenal

GLaDOS can vaguely nullify powers and atomize things she deems unnecessary in the current room. Before you even get a gun, she can also open up portals on her own. Her hacking is also pretty impressive, being able to take other A.I. and stuff it into different objects. Even if she’s outside of her own body she can get back at any time. But her arsenal, so many robots! From turrets to nanomachines, GLaDOS really has it all. Her most helpful robots would be Atlas and P-Body, who can do basically anything Chell can do, and respawn after death. They can maneuver the other things in GLaDOS's
arsenal the High Energy Pellet, the Recursion Funnels, Hard Light Bridges, the Gels, and utilize the Aerial Faith Plates to their advantage. That combined with GLaDOS being able to move the panels and the Conversion Gel, it gives them the opportunity to place portals and use them in clever ways to outdo a lot of One-One's stuff. The Thermal Discouragement Beams and the Thermal Discouragement Field, those with the Pivot Cube could help a bit. Directing lasers is something GLaDOS could use to burn parts of the Infinity Train. The security cameras could also be useful, allowing GLaDOS to know what's going on at all times, everywhere. Even One-One doesn't have that kind of hypnopresence on the train, considering so many things happen there that he doesn't know about. Bomb-Proof Shields could protect GLaDOS from many attacks, only from certain angles, though. High Energy Pellets can evaporate people when touched, essentially negating durability. Since these fry turrets in contact with them, these could potentially fry Stewards as well. As discussed in the stats section, GLaDOS has a lot of bombs that can surely damage One-One's team. Recursion Funnels can change the direction of things going in GLaDOS's direction so that they don't reach her, giving her space in between the incredibly mobile Steward suit. Hard Light Bridges and Material Emancipation Grill give GLaDOS even more extra protection. Even the shredder could straight up just destroy a normal One-One. And finally... the Companion Cube. GLaDOS could make One-One have a deep connection with the Companion Cube making One-One devastated when it's gone. Absolutely horrible.

One-One’s Abilities & Arsenal

Naturally, the Infinity Train is capable of atomizing non-human particles if someone steps on it, and can open portals back to Earth at will. Both of these are rather situational, and it’s pretty unclear if he can do this at will, but it’s likely he can. Though he never uses it for offensive means. One-One can enter Stewards himself and control it as a kind of mech, which is way better than GLaDOS being out in the open and potentially putting a turret in front of her with a portal or something. They even could protect One-One if he was close to death, like they did with Amelia. Definitely better defensive options on One-One’s side so far. While the Porters and Memory Retrievers don’t provide that much protection, One-One makes up for it with his equipment. Take the cannons, for example. They instantly transmutate the target into whatever the orb inside of it is, negating things like P-Body and Atlas’s respawns. This could even help with One-One’s durability disadvantage, since these things basically instantly kill whatever it shoots. However if there’s not an orb they’ll just turn into a Gohm, which One-One can quickly take care of if that’s the case. Those orbs though, they’re pretty much One-One’s secret weapon. They can create literally anything from thin air, even moving suns and changing the laws of physics in cars. We even see in the Unfinished Car a goop similar to GLaDOS’s Repulsion Gel. While One-One can’t actively control anything summoned from these orbs, things like gravity manipulation would help disorient pretty much any robots that would be on the field at the time. Especially turrets, we’ve seen what happens when they get picked up. One-One’s most abstract advantage with his equipment would be the Memory Tapes. While it would be hard (and maybe even impossible) to get a tape of GLaDOS’s memories, One-One can use other tapes he has access to to trap GLaDOS in a passenger’s memories for a short period of time. Due to One-One’s higher speeds this is very much possible. And yes, GLaDOS is capable of getting trapped in a Memory Tape since One-One has before, meaning A.I. like both of them are still very vulnerable to this. Though this wincon is a bit more unlikely.

Overall

Abilities are pretty cut-and-dry, GLaDOS can hack her way out of a potato and back into her own body, and make portals to coincide with her large arsenal of robots and other things. In comparison One-One can only make portals back to Earth and atomize non-human particles that come on the train. Neither opponent’s abilities are much, but GLaDOS’s mesh much better with her overall arsenal.
GLaDOS takes abilities overall, however that’s hardly enough to warrant taking this category completely.

At first glance it would seem that GLaDOS would have the advantage here, considering the enormous list of things found at Aperture Science Laboratory is MUCH larger than the things on the train that One-One has access to and can actually control. But looking at everything they have, this is a case of quality over quantity. Turrets are cooler and more deadly when compared to One-One’s bots, but a normal Steward can take down like 20 normal turrets or more by this new innovation called MOVEMENT! Stewards would also solo P-Body and Atlas no problem, and while GLaDOS does have access to a lot more robots like them in her arsenal, she’s never actually used multiples like them in canon before. Both use lasers as a form of attack, making them kind of equal in attack speeds for their arsenals, but again One-One is faster overall. Not to mention GLaDOS is vulnerable to the Memory Tapes. Also this isn’t even mentioning the overwhelming versatility of the orbs. They could be put into cannons to negate respawns and permanently kill GLaDOS, control pretty much anything around them including the laws of physics, this is insane. Sure, GLaDOS’s tech is really great at fighting regular humans, but One-One isn’t a human, meaning he can resist things like the neurotoxins and such. And sure, GLaDOS has slightly better abilities, but One-One’s arsenal of versatility trumps GLaDOS in almost every way besides firepower (Though, realistically, One-One can technically create anything GLaDOS can, just saying).
One-One takes arsenal overall.



Experience & Skill


These two prophetic A.I.s are defined by their algorithms and how much stuff they’ve gone through, how well they execute tasks, and so on, making this our final category.

GLaDOS’s Experience & Skill

GLaDOS certainly has more experience with fighting in comparison to One-One. Not only has she murdered the original scientists who made her, she’s got experience fighting against and testing on Chell. She can even make complex plans on the spot incredibly quickly, as that’s just how her processing works. She has knowledge of every single thing that goes on throughout all of Aperture due to the security cams, and even before the GLaDOS name was an employee of Aperture’s under head scientist Cave Johnson. Although we’re never given a full scope of who she was before then, it shouldn’t matter when GLaDOS is comparable to robots like a different version Cave Johnson who can read the entire literary canon in a second to get any info she needs on the spot.

One-One’s Experience & Skill

One-One’s been on the train since the beginning of his conception, likely longer than GLaDOS has existed, and seen thousands of passengers pass through the train. When two passengers ended up getting on the train instead of one, there were algorithms already in-line with an almost impossible scenario, which is not a kind of expertise even GLaDOS has shown before. Ruling over an entire infinite train of knowledge and possibilities definitely takes some crazy brains, even if you are artificial.

Overall

While One-One has existed for likely longer than GLaDOS has (experience-wise at least) GLaDOS shows better experience and skill in almost every area. Sure, One-One has algorithms in place for nigh-impossible situations, but was clearly impaired by things like Lake, a denizen being a passenger, which made One-One go numb for quite a while. And sure GLaDOS doesn’t
really share that same kind of effort when it comes to data, but it really won’t stop her from making up plans on the spot that are just as great (if not greater) than One-One’s. Also GLaDOS is just SO much more ruthless it’s not even funny. GLaDOS takes experience and skill overall.



Overall:
Stats - One-One
Arsenal & Abilities - One-One
Experience & Skill - GLaDOS



Conclusion


GLaDOS
a robotic arm is surrounded by plants in a video game
“I used to want you dead but now I only want you gone.”

Advantages:

  • Much faster processing speeds, allowing her to formulate plans of attack
  • More durable
  • Slightly better abilities
  • More varied support options
  • Significantly smarter in most situations
  • More experienced in a fight, and likely just in general
  • Could transfer One-One into a different body, leaving him even more defenseless
  • More destructive arsenal makes up for the strength gap...
  • Would stay alive after being physically destroyed...
  • Goated games

Equal:

  • Atomization could nullify various things
  • Situational high-end strength

Disadvantages:

  • Physically less stronger & faster
  • Lack of ranged options
  • Stewards could basically one-tap any of her robots
  • Basically immoble in comparison to One-One
  • Consciousness could get trapped within a Memory Tape, leaving her physical body open to attacks
  • Orbs counter or nullify pretty much all of GLaDOS’s arsenal
  • ...Would have difficulty landing explosives against One-One’s speed and mobility
  • ...Can’t come back on her own, would be indefinitely incapacitated
  • Had to go mess with some moon rocks to get off
  • Valve


One-One
a cartoon of a girl pointing at a dog
“It’s okay to cry.”

Advantages:

  • Stronger with faster travel & reaction speeds
  • Far greater mobility
  • Stewards outscale every Aperture robot in terms of everything
  • Better control of the battlefield
  • Orbs are much more versatile than any of GLaDOS’s arsenal
  • Could match GLaDOS’s weaponry by creating his own
  • Can ensure that GLaDOS (and her robots) will stay dead with the Light Cannons, its transformation negating durability
  • Unaffected by neurotoxins and the like
  • Goated show

Equal:

  • Atomization could nullify various things
  • Situational high-end strength

Disadvantages:

  • Extremely defenseless outside of a Steward
  • Less intelligent
  • Less fighting experience
  • Can’t control the beings he can summon
  • Porters and memory retrievers are useless in a fight
  • No defense against being put in a different body
  • GLaDOS’s explosives would completely kill him
  • His most potent attack would eliminate a Steward, his greatest support option
  • Was taken down by a Bri ish “person”
  • Warner Bros. Discovery


Final Tally

N/A (1) - Kars (left the blog, L)
GLaDOS (0) - ...
One-One (2) - Dash Fish, Bluegatito

GLaDOS definitely has her advantages here, and both have very concrete ways to win the fight, but with One-One’s huge versatility with his orbs, stats, mobility, and crazy support with the Stewards, One-One has just what he needs to take this fight in the end.

This robot’s not GLaD, her OS just couldn’t train for the fact that One won.

The winner is One-One.




Next Time

Dash Fish

Phew! It’s finally done. Thanks for reading all the way through! This one was stuck in a bit of development hell for a sec, especially since I’m back at uni, but I’m glad we pushed through at the very end. For starters the entire blog was originally an MU I held near and dear to my heart, Mr. Freeze VS Amelia, until Bluegatito pointed out to me that
it was already done by Ax’pire Blogs. I decided to use the already-finished research from that one into this, and so the GLaDOne blog was born. Scaling Infinity Train and Portal was super fun, as they’re some of my favorite pieces of media ever, and the fact that this matchup exists is awesome. Also I think Infinity Train is super underrated in the VS community. This one took a lot out of me, so I hope I’m gonna be doing something that’s a lot less stress-inducing–

Benson VS Nicole (Regular Show VS Gumball)

–Well then. If you’d like to work on this feel free to message me:
Discord: dashfish
Reddit: Dash_Diamond

Thanks for reading!

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